Nothing's Written on the Stars

one

MISTY
__________

There are things, great things, that we just happen to long in our lives. I know there are. Sometimes we notice, sometimes we ignore, but there is a bunch of amazing stuff we just happen to long at first sight.

And it happens with people, too.

Maybe is love.

All I know is that it happens to me a lot, and it's been happening since I was born and I saw my mom for the first time and all I wanted was to be in her arms so bad that I tried to say it but, sure, ended up crying. Because, of course, crying is natural, very natural and helpful from the start.

I love longing at first sight as much as I love crying, and yet it's meant to be said that those two come with very important things to keep in mind: Like, most importantly, we shouldn't let them control the rest of our senses. They must be only a part of our reality, but not all.

For example, as I said, I wanted (needed, by the intensity) my mom's embrace as soon as I saw her. But baby me had no idea.

Baby me knew something was up, but couldn't understand the whole situation.

Still, baby me wasn't bothered.

Baby me had questions, a lot, but still lacked my late gut to question reality by its wholeness. So things were easier. Lighter. Simpler.

Baby me wanted something and acted upon it.

So baby me didn't know what was an embrace, barely experienced a hold or a grip, and sure thing, baby me had no words nor duty to explain it. No concepts, no tactics, no plans to be applied. Just a feeling to be felt and a body to use for moving (what a thing!) and make sounds (so glorious!).

Baby me found herself being hugged so, so much it became a natural thing when I grew up. And shame on me, little thing, it took me a while to wake up and appreciate the fact that I still, at seventeen, longed for hugs as much as I did when I was a newborn.

And maybe once or twice I still cry a little bit to get them (I'm no saint), but heck if I didn't know better.

Sure, I developed a more complex perception of reality as I grew up and managed to improve my ways to use my body and language to express myself. So if I wanted a hug, I tried my best to give or receive, but understanding that it wouldn't always be propitious, appropriate or, like, I don't know. But I could, and I can take it if someone decides to reject my hugs or hugs me back awkwardly. I even stopped myself from hugging from time to time.

Uh, what I'm trying to say is: I believe that everything depends.

I will never stop loving hugs, nor crying, nor longing baaaadly for gestures and things and people. Those things makes my life brighter and lovelier if done right. So I try my best to analyze when should I act upon them or not.

Sooo, I knew I wasn't in the wrong when I saw Xavier Lars for the first time, and at a tiny glance of his maneuvers I decided that I wanted him in my life. Not that I figured everything out at the moment, but as soon as I walked into my second week of senior year in a brand new school, books in my hands and boots on fleek, I stood in awe as this particular human being walked past me.

And he didn't just walk. Wow.

He stole all of the hall's attention in such a smooth way, and it seemed to be perfect since just a few students were existing over there, including me. Yes. I became a quiet piece of scenery surrounding him. Staring, detailing his long blonde curls fall over the brown stylish jacket he wore over an illegally tight pair of blue jeans.

And he had this kind of... Back, honestly. Shoulders. All the pack of straight out of your dreams kind of bad boy, and I couldn't even see his face!

Boy, as if that was necessary.

He stood there a few seconds, probably wandering out where to go, and then disappeared into the closest stairs. The end. 

Mine were the little glimpses of a shiny earring and a peaceful smile, those that made me swoon that much that I had to giggle, incredulously pleased with that... Scene.

Looneymoons!

He made me feel like in a movie. Like he just opened the sequence so why not? I could confidently follow his path and feel the tension of something worthy of excitement going on. And that's exactly what I did. I even nodded and blinked as a way to say hi to the other quiet teens in  hallway. That was surely my real first day in a new school. And why not? In a way cooler adventure for the improved me.

Or well, those were my thoughts back then. Right before things got... Well, weird, kind of.