What I see.

Dec. 26, 2019

My life is a good happy life. But why do I feel this pain. I have loved and cared about so many people even if I will never see them only hoping for the best in their life, I have quite the bunch of good friends, My parents love me dearly and so do my siblings even if we fight and argue a lot. I have never been bullied and no one has really shown negative actions twords me and about me, I'm a good student and try to live up to the expectations happily.

But why do I feel this immense pain. Yes I may have lost some friends over the years but is that even a good reason to feel like this.

Or do I just seem like a mockery. Someone who should be very lucky to have what I have and am only being dramatic. It's life and I can't do anything about it yes, but they all still say the same stupid thing, not the same phrase maybe but it has the same concept; it's okay and I just have to keep at it.

I'm no good friend and even if I was I don't think it would be me, but another illusion like everyone else. I don't want to be a broken illusion.

I'm not hurt from the mind enough to actually like cut myself or something but I have always wondered and thought;

What would both ends of the universe be like, in life and death?

What if what we aren't what we seem?

Do I or we belong in this crumb of all existence or something?

Is all we know much more, too much, or nothing at all?

I ask myself questions like I'm rethinking about anything. I wonder all the time, no (clear) answer, and not doing anything about trying to figure it out.

My life is full of questions too. But there will never be that (clear) answer.

Will I even get out of my shell and live my life to the fullest looking for the answers or will I not live long enough and never fund the answers to share for those who need it?

It's all just question questions and more questions but every other question only brings no answer leading to another locked door, you keep looking for the key. You keep finding another looked door at a time asking;

Where's the key?

Really?

Let's hope the next one isn't locked, right?

Its another question after the other.

I'm getting tired of the same thing. It hurts. Why can't the world just open the doors. When will all that I want just happen.

People truly smiling and laughing together in a friendly manner, having an easy life not worrying about one thing leading to another. That's all I want, no pain, no tears of hurting, no bruises, no scars, just good and happiness.

But how can I make that happen. How can we make it happen.

Pain should never have existed.

It's always why.

Can I start by trying hardest to understand and help those who need it, or is this all me being stupid.