Opposites sides of the court

Chapter One

Much of my childhood was me stuck deep in the closet both literally and figuratively.
        Boys don't cry. This is what we're told when we are young men. Boys don't cry, nor do they show emotion. Our gender roles are assigned to us long before we are even born. Boys do not wear pink, boys play sports. A boy that does not play sports is a sissy. Being a sissy is unacceptable, as most fathers do not want a 'girly' boy for a son, because most fathers do not want their sons to be gay. There are a majority of fathers that are homophobic, and do not accept this in their families. It is an old-fashioned 'macho' attitude, and in my mind that way of thinking is outdated. Unfortunately for me, I knew at a young age that my father was homophobic. I knew this because of how he treated and ignore anyone in my family who was or acted like they were in the LGBTQ+. I was never really drawn to the sports my dad wanted me to do. I learned from a young age that I loved volleyball the sport made me feel powerful, and even though I was short it made me feel big. My father wasn't very accepting of volleyball though, he wanted me to do more macho sports like wrestling, football, and baseball. I could never do those sports they never drew me in and I was never good at them either. I'd rather spend my time practicing my serves, reading books, or spending time in my older aunt's dance studio. My aunt loved when I attended her studio and it kept me in shape and helped me with volleyball. My dad hated that I went there and would yell at me about how embarrassing it was that his son was spending his free time at a dance studio. Deep down inside, I felt like a disappointment to my father. My relationship with him was not a very close one. He was distant. And perhaps deep down within himself he already knew, by the time I was seven, that I was gay. I'm my house I always felt soo alone even though I had my older sister and younger brother. I knew they would never understand and I didn't want to disappoint anyone in my family which led me to lie to them a lot. There was one person who made me feel less alone. He knew what it was like to be different and not like the norm. He was there for me when I needed it most and helped me cope with my unsupportive father and he helped me come to terms with my sexuality and realize that being gay was ok. I was his best friend and also helped him cope with his sexual orientation. You may know him because he is one of the best spikers in Japan, and the ace of Shiratorizawa, (you all know where I'm going with this) the great Wakatoshi Ushijima (also known as my big gay crush). When we were kids we though we would never be apart. That was until the day we were on opposite sides of the court.