half of the time [tsukkiyama]

someway, somehow ✔️

sugawara noticed that yamaguchi was acting a little strangely, so he lingered in the club room for everyone to clear out, pretending to look for something in his locker.

once everyone else had gone to the gym and yamaguchi had finished changing, suga turned to face him, seeing that he had closed his locker, but was still facing the wall, his shoulders hunched over.

"yamaguchi, are you-?" he started, walking towards him, when he noticed yamaguchi's shoulders shaking.

he slowly turned to face suga, tears running down his cheeks, and suga quickly enveloped him in a hug, rubbing his back soothingly.

suga didn't ask any questions yet, because he knew that he probably wouldn't be able to talk about it anyway; not in this state.

he just held him, waiting until he finished crying to talk to him.

finally, the tears seemed to slow down, and his breathing gradually became more even.

he sniffled, pulling away from suga and wiping at his eyes and nose.

"i'm sorry," he said, his voice still thick with emotion.

"don't apologize, yamaguchi. it's okay to be sad, you know."

he nodded shakily.

"yeah, i know. i'm just... i feel scared and sad, but then i feel guilty for feeling that way."

"sorry if it's not my place to ask, but what is it that's making you feel this way?"

he sighed a little, and cast his gaze toward the floor, rubbing the side of his neck.

"well... you know that me and tsukki are dating, right?"

suga's eyes widened.

what?! why didn't anyone tell him that?!

"i don't think so...?" he said.

"oh, sorry for not telling you sooner, but yeah, me and him are together."

he blinked.

"wait... okay, but that kind of makes sense?"

yamaguchi blushed, and rubbed the back of his neck.

"um, yeah, i guess? we aren't really subtle about it..."

suga offered a reassuring smile.

"yeah, that's true, you two are always together. but... i'm getting off track- what were you saying?"

"oh, right. so... when me and tsukki first started dating... i know it's hard to picture, with an aloof and apathetic guy like him, but he was actually super sweet. he would get me little gifts sometimes and would always hold my hand or hug me or kiss me. not too much in public, cuz he's not a fan of pda, but when we were alone, you know."

he was blushing pretty hard at this point, so suga gave him a gentle smile and a nod to let him know that it was okay to go on.

"so anyway, it was so nice and he would always do those things, and whenever i said, 'i love you,' he would always say it back. but recently..."

his eyes started watering a bit again.

"well, slowly, the little gifts and affections began to get fewer and more far between, but recently he stopped saying, 'i love you.' and... i know i'm probably just being stupid, but i can't help but think he might not love me anymore, which is sad and scary because i have my whole heart invested in him... but then i feel guilty because i know he probably does still feel the same, he just has trouble saying it. also... i know it seems stupid, but i can't stop listening to this one song that talks about, 'i know you love me half of the time,' and, 'someway, somehow, i'll let you down.' and i can't help to think that maybe tsukki only loves me half of the time, but one way or another, i'll let him down."

suga went over to give him another hug, seeing that he looked like he was about to start crying again.

he sniffed loudly.

"i'm sorry i keep crying on you, suga-senpai. and i'm sorry that i just unloaded that all on you, you're probably dealing with your own stuff right now, and don't need to deal with this."

suga held him tighter.

"yamaguchi, i told you to never apologize for your emotions. i appreciate your concern for me and my mental health, but i'm fine right now. so let's just talk about this and work out what we can do to make you feel better."

suga pulled back from the hug to look him in the face as he talked.

"have you considered talking to him, per chance?" he asked, a hand on his hip.

he blushed, and looked away again.

"well... i want to, but... i'm kind of scared that he'll get mad at me... then if he really did love me, if i ask about it, he'll realize that i actually am really annoying to him, and he'll break up with me. and... i know that's very illogical, but i can't help it."

"it's okay to be afraid of some things sometimes, alright? but you can't let that fear control you, or you'll never be able to live your life to the fullest. and i know it's difficult to overcome, but i believe in you. and listen, if he does break up with you, just tell me and i'll make sure to give him a stern talking to, and we'll have ice cream and watch a sappy movie, okay? anything to make you feel better."

"thanks, suga-san," he said, finally smiling a little.

"and just remember, even if your worst fear comes to pass, it's not the end of the world. it might seem devastating, but your life doesn't revolve around this one guy, okay? you're an amazing, strong, funny, smart guy, and you don't need a relationship to be happy or for validation." he made a slight face. "guess i'm a bit of a hypocrite for saying that, though."

his face held some confusion at his words.

"what do you mean?"

suga sighed.

"well, i said your life doesn't revolve around a guy, and you don't need a relationship, but... if it's not obvious, i kind of have this huge crush on daichi, but i don't think he likes me back. i know the captain of the girls team, michimiya, likes him, so if he were to date anyone, he'd probably go for a pretty girl like her."

his eyes widened a bit.

"suga-san, you're not serious, are you? have you seen the way daichi-san looks at you? like you're his whole world."

he blushed and waved his hand at yamaguchi.

"no... no, i don't really think anyone would look at me like that, especially not daichi." he smiled sadly. "but i'm still glad that you first years hold me in such high regard."

before i knew it, he was hugging yamaguchi again. or rather, he was hugging him this time.

"maybe you should take your own advice, and just talk to him about it," he teased.

suga laughed as he pulled away.

"okay, i will. as long as you talk to tsukishima."

he made a bit of a face before laughing a little as well.

"fine, i'll talk to him after practice. we always walk home together anyway, so it'll be the perfect opportunity."

he smiled at him.

"i'm proud of you, yams. now, we should get to practice before they start wondering where we are. we're already a little late."

he nodded, and they made their way out of the club room and towards the gym.