half of the time [tsukkiyama]

make you mine ✔️

tsukishima noticed yamaguchi seemed to be avoiding him at practice today, which was rather strange.

in fact, once practice was over, tsukishima had to catch up to him so that they could walk home together, when it was usually yamaguchi following after him.

he seemed very quiet as well, which was also unusual, because he always talked a little more than necessary to make up for tsukki's quietness.

eventually, tsukki couldn't stand it anymore, so he finally broke the silence and asked, "is something wrong, yamaguchi? you're acting strangely."

yamaguchi slowly came to a stop when he said that, so tsukki stopped as well to look at him.

yamaguchi's eyes were trained on the ground, and he was clenching his fists at his sides, and he even seemed to be shaking a bit.

tsukki's eyebrows furrowed with concern, so he stepped forward and went to put his hands on yamaguchi's shoulders, but he avoided him.

"we... we need to talk, tsukki," he said, in a very serious tone, finally looking up at him. he wasn't crying, but his eyes did seem a little moist.

shit.

tsukishima tried to think of what he might've done recently to mess up, but nothing especially stood out to him.

"okay... what about?" he asked.

"do you..." he clenched his fists more, and took a deep breath. "do you still love me?" he asked, so softly that tsukishima almost missed it.

he tilted his head slightly, a little confused.

"what do you mean?" he asked.

yamaguchi looked back at the ground and took another deep breath, and this one seemed rather shaky.

"well... you never seem to pay any special attention to me anymore, and you avoid kissing me and stuff, even when we're alone, and..." he swallowed, taking another shaking breath. "recently it seems... whenever i say, 'i love you,' you... you never say it back."

his voice was shaking terribly by the end, and he sounded on the verge of tears.

so... it's not something tsukki had done to mess up, it's what he hadn't done.

he stepped closer again, trying to give him a hug this time, but yamaguchi pushed him away again.

yamaguchi looked back up at him, and this time tsukki saw tears welling in his eyes, about to pour over at any second.

"please don't touch me right now. not until you answer the question."

tsukki frowned slightly.

"of course i still love you."

the tears spilled.

"then why? why don't you show it anymore?"

tsukki stared at him for a minute, trying to figure out the best way to phrase his response.

after a moment, he sighed deeply, and began to speak.

"i think i just... well, in the beginning i did all that special stuff like giving you gifts, so you would be reassured that my feelings for you were genuine. i figured after a while, i could cool it a little, and go back to how i normally was with you, but with a little more romance. i just didn't want things to change too much, and i wanted those things to be special, and not an all-the-time occurrence, you know? it's more special to get flowers from someone if you only get them a couple times a year, rather than every day. but then... i guess i subconsciously reverted back too far, and i even stopped the bare minimum i was doing at that point, and i didn't even realize it. but... i really do still love you, so much, it's just hard for me to talk about my feelings a lot, even all this right now is difficult. but you have to believe me, i swear i'll make it up to you, okay? i just... i can't lose you."