ballet shoes

.viii efface derriere

. v i i i
e f f a c e d e r r i e r e

"carter!"

a shout echoed from the other side of the street as carter was walking. his body turned just in time to welcome a pair of arms that engulfed him in an embrace. almost immediately, citrus and mint, a scent carter had known almost all his life, perfumed the air.

"if i hadn't come, i will probably never see your face again!"

diana dawson's tear-stricken eyes glared at her little brother. although she was a foot short, she never failed to make carter shrink away whenever he'd done something wrong.

in this case, absolutely wrong.

"what's gotten into you? you said you'll see me once all of this is over! now it's been what? three months after that — that — " diana trailed.

carter cleared his throat and looked away. for a fleeting moment, the crowd around him and the echoing ambulance siren nearby seemed to blur out. all that was registering on his mind was —

stop.

carter pursed his lips for a moment. "yeah. sorry. i, uh, had things to sort out."

diana sighed, getting a hold of herself. "can we have breakfast first? i'm damn hungry after that six-hour flight."

carter wouldn't beg to differ. if there was one thing he and diana shared while growing up, it was the tendency of being restless during travel. albeit the countless trips they had — courtesy of their parents' inability to leave them whenever they had to go for a business trip (their mom tended to be very paranoid and emotional) — the two siblings never really settled down on having to sit on a chair for hours, unless they brought with them music to listen to.

which, of course, eventually became a habit of carter — to bring music everywhere he went.

they headed to the nearest coffee shop and ordered the first thing their eyes laid on. diana took the table at the far corner, eager to get a good view of new york's bustling streets.

"mom and dad have been so worried about you. still are. i didn't tell them i was coming to see you because i know they'd do everything to book a flight with me." diana sipped her coffee while staring at her brother over the rim of her cup.

"i called mom after coming back here," carter promptly replied.

diana scoffed. "yeah. as if she'd be satisfied with just a quick phone call."

carter pouted a little, a bemused expression creeping into his face as he imagined the sulking look of his mom; she always did that whenever carter became too busy to give her a glance.

"it wouldn't hurt you to come home... even just for a while." diana pouted. "stephanie's been looking for you since forever."

at the mention of his niece's name, carter smiled. diana's four-year old daughter never failed to make his home visits warmer and lighter. they would stroll around the family's ranch for hours, riding a horse until sunset.

"tell her i miss her."

diana didn't reply. she was silent for a moment, and carter observed as she fiddled with her cup while cautiously glancing at him from time to time.

"how... have you been?" she spoke again, with a lower voice this time.

carter clenched his jaw a bit before nodding timidly. "fine."

diana sighed. "carter."

it was a struggle to hide anything from diana. although they were only three years apart, she treated him like a baby throughout his whole life. maybe it was just the maternal instinct she always had in her, but sometimes carter wished she'd realize that he could handle his own issues.

he'd been through more than enough just to prove that.

"she said she doesn't know me." carter tucked his tongue to one cheek to stop his emotions from surfacing. "her whole face said otherwise."

a flash of sadness went through diana's eyes. carter could feel her desperation of comforting him, but at that moment, she only bit her lip and looked away as if it hurt too much.

"i'm sorry," she barely whispered.

"it's fine." carter pressed his lips into a thin line.

it wasn't. growing up knowing you really didn't belong to your family, trying to search for your real mother, and then finally facing her for the first time just to hear 'i don't know you' when clearly she did — it wasn't fine at all.