Ricky dillon's sister

chap10

Madi's pov

"Mads open the door." I hear someone say. I think its Jc, but I can't be sure, and honestly I don't really care. They're just boys who clam they'll help me then break me even more. I stay quite and continue to draw the Suicide awareness butterfly on my wrist. (Pic up top)

I must say it turned out decent. After I'm done,  I throw the pen on the night stand and lay down, just staring at the ceiling.

Why? Why does my life have to be so f'd up?! Why couldn't I be normal?! Why did my 'father' have to rape me!?

You know people always say that it's not your fault. But it is. Maybe if I was stronger, I could have fended him off. Maybe if I wasn't so weak I could have ran away! Its my fault because I wasn't good enough! But really what's new?

I hear the door unlock and foot steps entering my room. Damn it.  They have a key. Great, just fan freckentastic.

" Madi?! Are you ok?!" I hear Jc scream/whisper. Instinctively a hand flys up to my face and I feel the warm tears that have started to drop down my face.

"Shit" I quickly wipe them away and force the rest back.

Damn it Madison stop being weak! You're better then childish tears! " Yah, I'm fine" My voice wavers but I hope her doesn't notice.

" Madison" Shit.  No one EVER uses my full name. " Madison, stop lying! Stop with the whole act! Why won't you just let us help you?!" He screams, but not loud enough for anyone else to hear.

My heart starts beating faster and faster, and I can feel myself shrink back and start to shake. No Madi stop being weak. I look down at my lap and grit my teeth.

Jc doesn't notice my current position because he's to busy pacing back and forth.

I feel like I'm going to be sick. My palms are sweating and my vision is becoming hazy. Panic starts to arise in the back of my throat and I want to scream out for help but I can't. To scared of letting myself down and to scared off the help itself.

Its hard to describe, being scared of help. The closer you are to asking for it the closer you are to feeling like you want to throw up.

He turns around and notices I'm near passing out. My breathing is heavy and labored, and I'm sitting curled up in a ball.

Once he sees me he immediately softens and runs over to me. I finch back and give out a small whimper. " P-Please don't t-touch me." He looks surprise but does what I asked.

" Shhh, Madi. Its ok. Shhhhh. Your ok. Its gonna be ok."

B.S it will never be 'ok'.

After a while I feel the panic attack receding and my breathing going back to normal. Jc stayed the whole time whispering soothing things to me. I hated it. Every last second. I hate being coddled. I hate letting someone see me being weak. I hate letting someone in.

I'll just have to be more careful the next time.

" Madi, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?"

He apologized? No one has ever apologize before. Why would he apologize? It must be another cruel trick in a feeble attempt to get me to trust him. "I'm fine."

He sighs. He doesn't believe me, but for some strange reason,  he doesn't push it.

" Look, lets go get some dinner."

I tense up. Dinner. I instantly feel sick. And going out it a public place and eating. Having all those judging eyes staring at me. I don't think so.

The thought of someone I barely know trying to shove food down my throat makes my skin crawl.

" I'm not hungry. " I barely manage out. Lies, of course. I am starving. I haven't eaten in about 5 days. At home mom didn't care. So I formulated a eating cycle. After every week I eat one small meal. Unless I feel the absolute need to eat.

" I know you're lying. Come on. We don't have to eat in the restaurant." He slowly grabs my hand, but I still flinch back. "Madi. Please"

" No. I'm not hungry!  How many different ways do I have to say it!!! No, nie, ne, dili, ko si, hemae, het!"

My hands are balled into fists, and I'm ready to swing if he comes any where near me. But he's stantioned. It doesn't look like he's about to approach, mabye this one has some common sense.

" Look. Madi, if you come with me, you can have the rest of the night to yourself. All of the boys will be gone and it will be just you in the house. Deal?"

He's lying. I doubt Ricky would actually agree to that. What if he isn't though? The whole night, I'm sure I could find my razors in that time.

" You're lying."

" Try me." He says with a slight smirk,  looking into my eyes.

" Fine. L-lets eat."

Sorry its not very long. But Happy Thanksgiving!!! Thanks again for reading! Next update should be around the middle of Dec!