Warning~
Suicide self harm etc
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I am no stranger to the act of attempted suicide. In fact i visit it often. Something holds me back every time.
Maybe its the fact that im leaving people who possibly care but im to dense in anxiety and overthinking to see, or possibly the fact i have to many attachments in this world to leave. Or its the fact that i cant possibly make up my mind of my final words. A suicide note.
Many people write it. Some use it, some throw it away and continue with their day. Ive written one for i have visted the edge of a final breath and heart beat.
I wrote my note pen in hand. I didnt know how to start. Did i start by writing poetry of the shitty feelings of the shitry life i have. Or did i say goodbye. The paper wasnt enough. I wanted to write a whole paragraph of my life. I wanted to explain how it felt to feel this way, why i did what i did, my goodbyes and farewells, the hope i want to encourage others with, i wanted to leave a imprint from my dead soul that my living couldnt. The paper wasnt enough. Suicides expectations made it seem as if a few pages or a single note. Maybe those people didnt have much to hold onto or many words to say. Or maybe they where to excited for the relief of final peace.
Everything has expectations and the one thing i strived on i couldnt achieve its either?!?
One page wasnt enough. I cant stand the thought leaving this world with out spouting the last bits of my stupidity. Ive always talked alot but this was my final momment to pester people with my words. Why couldnt one page be enough.
Ive always hated my life and wanted to kill myself so why couldnt i leave off the deep end with put leaving a floaty of a thousand words to leave behind. Could i not just leave a note? Considering how miserable i feel everyday and how swamped i am with the overflowing river of overthinking and constant clingy company of anxiety and how they make me feel at such a loss for words realizing how shitty i truly feel, i have alot to say.
Why cant it just be a note.
I always dwell on the thought of how i cant speak on how i feel deep down and how confusing and frustrating it truly is to live through out everyday like this but suddenly when im trying tk do myself a favor all of it comes flooding in. Why cant i write a simple goodbye with out leaving a whole book behind of how much of a dreaded weighed down human being i am.
Why cant it be just a note?
YOU ARE READING
How Sad
Random***warning*** There's alot of dark shit and touchy subjects in this book. Most consist of self harm, suicide,depression, and anxiety triggers. Everything written in here is on my thoughts and what think about on a daily bases. I don't have alot of a...
