Silence Me (Dare Me Series Book 1)

Part 6

Two hours have passed. Two hours! My mind replays the scene from yesterday, I told her I loved her. I've never told anyone outside of my family that, and she walked away from me. She walked away and here I am sitting in my car staring at the window waiting on her. I don't even know who I am anymore. What the fuck happened. I look at my arms in the telltale sign of a stick of a needle. The rush of pure warm bless and uncontrollable sickness that followed. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done and I've been pretty dumb shit after moving to LA. Moving to Los Angeles was like being released from prison to me. I was given freedom. But with  freedom comes hard lessons. I feel like I was finally able to be a teenager and I took full of vantage of it. Sam gave me the option to make my own choices away from him. He understood where we came from. I knew we were both in charge and he told me I didn't have to carry the weight by myself anymore. He'd help. I didn't have an easy time at that first, constantly I worried about him but as the weeks past I noticed something he was happy. He is the happiest I've ever seen him and I'm not sure why it pissed me off. Why couldn't my parents make me feel away that we made each other feel? Why couldn't they get right to be good for me? I became confused and angry. Bitter about my past life and so focused in on it but I didn't see what was happening before me. I finally had a family we deserved. But I lashed out I hung with a wild crew. Some boys from the wrong side of the tracks that I related to, more so than the rich punks I went to school with. We did what wild teenagers do. We blew shit up, treated the girls we were with like they were nothing, and experimental drugs and booze. I'd come home so fucked up. I could hardly climb the stairs. And Sam let me go through that. He let me get it all out until he finally had enough. I've learned a lot from him even if he didn't realize he was teaching me. I think about my brother  and how our relationship has been rocky but then I feel to put myself in his shoes. I didn't consider him you coming home messed up must've looked him making him feel like he failed me. He saw his little brother acting just like his parents. I have abandoned him physically mentally. I clocked out from my job as his little brother and he hasn't forgotten. I sigh and roll my neck. So much shit going on in my life it's exhausting. If it's not one issue it's another. Fucking life. Where the hell is Lexi.
I toss my hat under the dash scrub on my face. "You know what fuck this" I grab my hat back from the dash and place it on my head as I take my keys out of the ignition. I'm gonna run out of gas sitting here like this. I hop out into the freezing wind and snow, making my way to the office. Where the hell could she be? I don't understand who she's here in the first place. Why she's staying in this hotel.  Who does she know here? You don't come here for a getaway you come here for a purpose. Opening the glass door. I'm attacked by smoldering heat for the portable heaters the have rotating around the room. There's a love seat under an AC unit and a table with magazines from the early 2000s. The cracked tile below my feet tell me this place hasn't had a remodel since it was built in the early 90s and the brown water stain running down the wall confirmed it. The man behind the counter has dark skin and bright eyes. His smile is friendly,  but he's a serious motherfucker I spent 30 minutes arguing with him when I first arrived. "Sir, I already tell you, I cannot give you her room number." I hold up my hands. " I know can you lease tell me how long she's been gone, I'm worried she isn't answering her phone and I've been here two hours myself." I shove my hand into my pockets. He sighs. "She left just before you arrive." "So she's been gone for two hours?" I ask. He nods. I exhale and adjust my hat as I look out the small window inside the office, and then my eyes land on her car. At the bar. Holy shit. "Thanks," I say farting out the door. I don't have this same view from where my car is parked. She's down the street at the goddamn bar, while I'm sitting here about to go Britney appears and have a fucking meltdown. I yank open the car door and start the engine. The car roars and  the tires spin quickly as I head down the street.