Living On Fantasies (ON HOLD)

Prologue

SOMETIMES I WONDER what the world would be like without me, I'm not suicidal I swear. Some say I'm just under a lot of pressure from my parents or just my family in general, others say I'm depressed. Either one works but I don't plan on killing myself anytime soon. They say that depression can lead to suicidal tendencies, but that's not me. I'm nervous for the end when I'm no longer in High School and I'm preparing myself for college. I don't even know what I want to be, I tried convincing my parents to go to a community college for the experience but they say, and I quote, "Experience is a waste of time"... I have so much to disagree with even though High School prepares us for life after graduation. I'll be 18 in January and I'm not looking forward to that, I don't want to be an adult, not one bit. I wish I was still that innocent little girl who thought minty bubbles actually tasted like mint.

"Hey look what Heidi painted!" An arrogant boy named Jason called out from behind my back. I tensed and blinked a few times startled from his loud overly obnoxious voice. Maybe I was 6 again, when people would crowd me to compliment my artwork that was surprisingly better than theirs, but I was so wrong.

I could feel their warm breaths slide across my exposed neck. The moisture was sickening as my agoraphobia kicked in and the anxiety held back my ability to move or breath. Why won't they leave me alone?

"Wow that looks just like him"

"That's so realistic"

"I wonder what Mr. Belmonte will think of it?" Rose said maliciously followed by an annoying giggle.

I snapped out of my trance and lowered my brown eyes to the painted canvas, "Oh no... no no no" I mumbled to myself as I hurriedly studied the portrait. His chestnut locks laid atop his head in messy waves, the olive toned skin accented his dark hypnotizing green eyes, and stubble was present. His face was placed in the center of the canvas, surrounded by a dark cloudy background with a variety of greens, blues, reds, and different tones of grey and black.

The portrait was none other than, "Mr. Bel! Come look at Heidi's painting, it's amazing" Jason emphasized as I made eye contact with those same green eyes. My breath hitched in my throat as I looked away turning a deep shade of red that took over my freckled cheeks and fair skin.

I scanned my area before settling on a gallon of blue acrylic paint. I quickly grabbed the bottle and pulled off the cap as fast as I could before pouring the thick liquid onto the painted canvas, I could hear the heels of his oxfords tap against the marble floor as he moved closer to the giggling crowd surrounding me.

I set the paint back down once his face was covered, regretting the decision automatically as it was one of my best paintings of Mr. Belmonte, "Miss MacKenzie!" He gasped upon seeing the mess. His arms crossed over his chest, automatically flexing his biceps through the rolled up sleeves of his white button up shirt. His plump lips ajar and his thick eyebrows scrunched together in shock.

Those same green eyes trailed down the blob to where it dripped down the easel into a blue puddle below, "What in the world is this?" He cried out while throwing his hands up in the air from the disappointment and clear confusion upon his face. I melted from his thick spanish accent but shook away the feeling as I looked at the canvas turning tomato red while trying to figure something out as an excuse.

"J-Just a new style" I said pathetically while rubbing the back of my clammy neck.

"And what new style would that be, hmm?" He asked tilting his head and pursing his lips with his muscular arms still crossed over his chest.

"Uhh, finger painting?" I said though it sounded more like a question rather than a statement.

I tried to make it more believable by running my bare hands across the canvas spreading out the gooey acrylic but the class just began to laugh and call me stupid which was a lot more embarrassing than I thought. I dropped my hands to my sides, rubbing my hands on my bleached jeans by accident.

"And what is 'finger painting' going to achieve?" He asked getting louder by the second. I dropped my head down in shame of not knowing what to say as the class continued to snicker.

Mr. Belmonte sighed followed by a throaty growl that caused the girls to visibly swoon, "Just... Just stay after class please" he said quietly as I peaked at his face that showed exhaustion by the way he rubbed his eyes with his face in his hands, "And clean up this mess".

"Lucky bitch" a girl said trying to go unheard as I grabbed a paper towel from the table beside me to wipe up the excess paint on the canvas. It was clearly heard by the way our Art Teacher snapped his neck toward her.

"The rest of you can get back to work" he said waving his hand as students laughed before moving away from my body to let me relax and finally breath properly.

I could feel his hard stare at the back of my head but I ignored it as I cleaned up the messy paint. He walked away before I realized it, but it didn't matter. He didn't have those same feelings as I did for him, he didn't look at me with hearts in his eyes, he never blushed, and I doubt he had iron butterflies fluttering in his stomach, beneath those obvious abs he had. I felt like I could die from this beautiful being I had as a teacher. It didn't bother me that it was a one sided crush, that it was just a fantasy that I knew would never, could never, happen...