Today in 2nd period I felt like I was gonna cry. I was on the verge of tears and I didn't even know why. I just really wanted to burst out crying and shout "Why doesn't anyone appreciate me?!" I could walk up to my so called "best friends" and they wouldn't say anything to me unless I started the conversation.
And with my luck second period was guitar.
We've been writing our own songs and then playing them in front of the entire class while they recorded to send videos to our parents.
I'm one of those people who likes to go last if they can, but my friend likes to call me out so of course I got picked to go. While she was calling me out I snapped at her, not in a mean voice but a sad one, "Leave me alone!" and my voice actually cracked.
Then she asked me what's wrong and she's one of those really sensitive people who overreacts about the tiniest things so I just told her I was having a bad day. Well apparently she thought I was mad and didn't talk to me for pretty much the rest of the day. And when I asked her why she said it was because I wouldn't tell her why I was upset. So yeah... I've learned a lesson, you can't lie to your friends.
But I still didn't tell her (she never asked again) but anyway back to 2nd period.
So it was my turn to go and I was so close to crying I had to take deep breaths. And luckily it worked and my teacher thought I was just really nervous (which I was) but yeah.
I just want to know if my friends are really my friends.
I think that's why I wanted to cry.
And that only made it worse.
This one friend of mine she's basically the center of the circle which I am a random bump in. If she gets sad everyone crowds around her to make her feel better.
If I get sad?
They give up after asking twice and leave me by myself.
In P.E. everyone wants to be her partner.
Me?
I'm forgotten and left to be with someone I don't really like.
Everyone just wants to be around her and when they are it's like I'm invisible. Just standing there. I might as well be an alien. I don't hate her she's a great friend but I just want her to notice what's happening.
In the halls?
I'm shoved behind the group.
At lunch?
No one tries to talk to me.
When I feel sick or my allergies act up I think it's pretty obvious I feel down.
But no one notices.
I guess I should try to let them notice.
But they don't look any way.
When I'm sick I don't talk a lot or make as many jokes but I try just so I can make people laugh.
I may look happy but on the inside I'm alone, and it's dark and cold
I might just be over reacting
You guys are really the only ones I can talk to. My dad wouldn't know what to do, my mom would overreact, so would my sister, and my brother wouldn't care. I don't want to tell my friends because I'm afraid ill appear needy or ill lose them. But is it really so much to ask for someone to wait in the hall for ME for once?
Well bye
- a cunfuzzled SG🌰
