Whatever We Deny Or Embrace

heartbreak

Coming back to the house I'm instantly transported back to a time where things were mostly ok.

Memories of laughter and fun. Movie nights and jokes. When our biggest problem was figuring out which movie to watch or what everyone wanted for dinner.

But more than that, memories of sadness, and hate.

The slamming of doors and the inner thoughts of a drunk man.

As I lay here now, i can see myself running down the stairs in these past moments. And it's the small things that I truly miss.

Trying to be as quiet as possible while getting dressed for school at 5am.

Falling down the stairs rushing to get to the bus stop.

Looking out at the lake from my window.

The quiet of my bedroom.

The eerie silence the house kept.

Being yelled at for not wearing shoes downstairs.

Making my bed in the peace of my own space.

It's things like these that hurt the most.

The little things. The small things that I took for granted. I'm sorry I didnt appreciate you when I had the chance.

And maybe one day I'll be able to feel that way again. Maybe I'll feel those things. But it will never be the same because change is the only thing that is consistent.

I just wish i would have appreciate you more while you were here.

I wish I would have taken a moment to take a deep breath in and let those moments sink in.

For now I'll just have to remind myself to stay present and imprint these things and feelings into my memories.

I miss you.