My own reality

23

I look away from the heart shaped box of chocolate and at the slowly floating dust particles illuminated by the rays of morning sunlight. I’m sitting cross legged on my bed and have just finished Tiffany’s ‘I’ll miss you,’ letter. All I’ve been through with her still feels like a fantasy. I sigh, folding up the letter and tucking it under the ribbons wrapping the box. How am I going to feel happy now?
I suddenly remember Tyler who hasn’t spoken to me in the last three days. I finally feel guilty for what I said to him. I realize I need him right now more than anything.
I can’t believe it’s all over. This feels worse than the break up. I get off my bed and put on my sneakers. She said she will be at school for only half the day, just to say goodbye. I would’ve just gone to her house but I don’t think her father likes me much. I pick up the box of chocolates and put it in my schoolbag. I only have books for half the day too. I’m not yet ready to stop seeing her in class. I plan to spend the whole day with her; escorting her to class, sitting next to her at lunch, escorting her home and maybe one last goodbye kiss.  

I find Tiffany at her locker, talking and laughing with Piper. My heart tightens. That smile, I may never see it again. I know what you're thinking, it’s just three months. But she is hot; she may have a better looking boyfriend than me who is probably a model too. I reach her and pull her into the tightest hug yet, which seems to make me want her more.
She pulls away with great force. “What the fuck, Jason!”
What did I do now? “What’s wrong?”
“Why did you do that?” she asks, her expression a mixture of shock and disgust.
I frown. “Because you're my girlfriend and I love you?”
“I’m your girlfriend?” she asks, a slow red sipping into her face.
“Wow,” Piper blows.
I ignore her. “Yes, You are.”
What the hell is going on?
“So it’s you who has been spreading that bullshit around?” she spits. “Just because we were project partners?”
“Project partners?” I’m starting to get frustrated. “We are more than that. We went to the art gallery, we went star gazing, and we made out while watching the sun set which was so amazing by the way and—”
“Hold the fuck up!” she says. “I don’t remember doing any of that!”
I notice a small crowd starting to form around us, but I don’t care. At this moment, nothing else seems to matter.
“How don’t you remember any of that?” I ask my voice cracking.
No. Now of all times is not a good time to cry.
“Because they didn’t happen!” Tiffany exclaims.
I feel a heavy stone land in my stomach. I can already feel the cracks spider webbing through my heart. I don’t know whether this another sick prank of their silly group.
I grab her hand and pull her close to me. I hadn’t noticed my arms were shivering. “If you want this to go private, then—”
“Get your hands off me you creep,” she pulls away.
The word hits me like an unexpected stone to the head.
“Don’t you ever touch me again!” she says coldly. Her words send ice cubes sliding down my back.
“You called me a creep,” I mutter before I think it. This is not Tiffany. This is not my Tiffany.
“Because you are one,” she says.
“Hey, what’s going on here?” Cooper asks as he approaches us through the crowd.
“It was Jason all along,” Piper says. “He was the one spreading the rumours,”
Cooper looks at me. The last time I saw him was on Thursday night, when he was getting me stoned. He wears a facial expression I have never seen on him before, growing fury. He looks unfamiliar.
“You keep your hands off my sister and her best friend okay?” he says, looming over me.
“But—”
“I need you to gently back off and walk away,” Cooper says.
“Cooper,” I say. “Although I don’t want to admit it, but you helped me get her. I understand the jokes of being turned down by a girl in public but why this?”
“You want to spin my brother into your lies too?” Piper says.
“I’m sorry, weirdo.” Tiffany says. “But your little creepy fantasy is over.”
That’s when I notice the crowd around us, the murmurs and laughter, the pointed hands and photo snaps. I feel the chocolate box slip out of my hand. It splits open when it lands, scattering various shaped chocolates around the hallway floor. I spot Ryan in the crowd, his eyes squinting at me in confusion. I suddenly remember Tyler. I realise I need him right now more than anything. Where is he?
Tiffany walks away with the Cross twins at her side. The rest of the crowd follows after. Soon I’m left alone in the hallway, surrounded by scattered chocolate. As if the world hasn’t proven the point hard enough that I'm a lonely little shit.
What the fuck just happened? Why do I feel so hopeless and empty? Is it possible to feel this lost? One minute, we were a normal couple kissing ourselves good bye, the next we are plain project partners. I don’t understand why she would do that to me? If this is another prank, I've fallen for it hard. I actually hope for her to come laughing with the Cross twins saying ‘We got you good,’
“Aren't you late for class?” asks Mrs. Pressman.
I practically don’t hear her. I bend down and pick up the scattered chocolate one by one. That’s when I feel the prickling in my eyes. What if this is actually real? And all I lived through was the world’s most carefully calibrated prank that involved her tolerating me for about three weeks? Or maybe it wasn’t real...
I remember the baby in the art gallery, him tumbling down the steps. It looked real, but it wasn't. But I was with Tiffany and doubt it’s possible to have an imagination within an imagination.  
So what the hell is going on?

I hear the clicking of the lock and the door opening. My eyes feel swollen and tired of crying. My white sheets are stained with the brown chocolate I've been sucking on for the past three hours, which was meant for Tiffany. I stare out the window at the blue sky beyond. It’s so clear, so peaceful. I silently wonder how it would be if I just disintegrated into a cloud and lived there for the rest of y life. But I would eventually split apart, just like the way my life is splitting apart right now.
“Jason,” Ryan says.
The sound of the human voice is disorienting to my ears. I close my eyes and concentrate on erasing the wretched sound from my mind.
“Your parents are here,” Ryan says.
My eyes fly open.
I find them in the principal’s office. I’m surprised at the fact that dad is here too. I haven’t seen him in like three years.
“You alright?” Ryan asks at the door. There is pity in his voice. I hate pity.
“I’m fine,” I whisper more than say.
He nods. “I’ll see you soon,”
I watch him walk away before entering the principal’s office. I take the seat between Mom and Dad. I don’t greet them. They don’t greet me either.
The whole session is a blur until I hear the principal say “...expelled because of sexual harassment,”
I don’t even bother to wonder who would have told him this. Neither do I bother to defend myself.
“Is this true,” mom asks.
I shrug. I hear her sigh.
I’m numb and dead all over so I don’t notice when the principal gives the made up story, I don’t notice when we pack everything up from my room and I don’t notice when the gates of east shore high slam shut behind us.
But I notice it when the car doesn’t park in my Mom’s parking lot. It instead parks in the driveway of a mental facility.


Thank you for reaching this far. Only a few more chapters to go.