Never Been In Love

Prologue

Forever.

That was our deal. There was never a day that she never stop swearing it. I love saying it too, especially to her. I’ve always felt secure even when she’s away, knowing that she will come back for me every time she leaves, that feeling of security knowing I am always on her mind as much as she is on mine, but now I’m sure she won’t. That’s the sad part, when someone dearly close broke a promise.

One time after class, she said we could eat a restaurant nearby and I agreed. I was famished from all that academics and endless sitting so I ordered a lot, I even got myself a banana split! Yum my favourite, all for free! As my tummy’s filling up with all these delicious food, my heart is unconsciously filling up with joy.
“Thank You! I am so happy, I love you!” I shouted!
“I love you too hun, forever” she replied.
“Forever?”
“Yes, forever”

Maybe that’s one thing I’ll miss from her, because every time she asks me out, it’s always her call. She always asks how my day was, she even praised me even if there are times that I mess up. I learned to trust her a lot and be dependent not that I want to, it was like she wanted me to hang onto her, she wanted me to trust her. That’s my greatest mistake but yes, my love for her grew day by day. She was so consistent. She listens, she never fails to give me a surprise! She always want to hug me, of course, I hug her back with delight! It was like heaven on earth, like I’m on an endless dose of ecstasy. She was the epitome of unconditional love, I know no one will ever replace her. She was my bestest best friend and it was awesome!

Forever supposed to be a very long time. Now, I do not know why she left me. She knew that she was my everything, but one day we stopped seeing each other, not after school, during breaks or even on my morning commute. I waited for God knows how long, people say she would come back but I knew they were lying, they are trying to hide something from me. Why do they lie?

I can’t sleep, I stopped going to school because of it. I am always tired, my eyes swollen, hair unkempt. I stop believing the words that anyone said but I still hold on to her pact even if it hurts a lot. I knew they were hiding something, I don’t want to talk to people who throw lies at me. But on the 9th of September, they said they want to show me something, I thought it was something she left behind for me but they got me on a car instead. We travelled for hours into a city filled with magnificent bridges and skyscrapers. There were so many people, they always on the rush just like those ants on our backyard.

We dropped off to a building with lots of glass on it. I was fascinated by the cleanliness of the corridors and the elevators. I even got to see a chair with a wheel on it! It was so cool! I can’t help to etch a smile from all the things that I saw from that place, until we arrived to room PR07. There were people gathered on a small bed, I saw someone looked at me and started crying.
“He’s just 10” I heard someone with a horridly wary voice.
They start hugging me and wiping their tears away than my wonder turned into weep when I saw her on that bed.

I was holding back my tears and try to stand tall, trying to hide my emotions. There she was, looking at me, smiling with those pale lips, tears rolling down her bony cheeks adjusting her bald head up the pillow. She wanted me to come closer, but I hesitated. Confused and ashamed, I ran outside the room never knowing where I might have gone. Tears blurred my vision and impeded my breathing, my nose is stuffed and my heart’s quickly beating. I ran faster, until I’m out of breath. I entered a large room full of empty seats and pitted myself on the back row. I cried and cried until there was nothing left but shame.

I am finally sober from my melancholic drunkenness, suddenly realizing I’m at the hospital chapel. I felt betrayed. We supposed to get each other’s back, telling each other’s secrets. Forever! Isn’t that our promise? One day she suddenly disappeared and let me have this endless imaginations of where she could be, I get worried too. Remembering where I stand from her hospital room, I suddenly felt shame. Shame because in my mind I want to shout at her, tell her what misery I am in without her, but seeing her tiresome condition breaks my heart. I need to know the answers, I need facts, no more lies, I need to be enlightened and strip away this shame. I need to go back. I need my mother.