tearless eulogy ➯ zhou g.y. // formula two

two - answers

16 september 2019
sienna

amelié had finally come back from france, immediately dowsing herself in a mountainload of work, making sure i didn't see her for most of the week - except when she came to eat, which wasn't often.

i worried about her, constantly. i knew how close she was to him - he was all she talked about. he'd helped to paid rent for the apartment we call home today, to pay for her education, to care for her, to be there for her.

she tried so hard to hide it, but i knew - without anthoine, she felt empty, afraid and alone.

␥

amelié

there was a knock on the door. sienna. again.

"what on earth do you want this time?"

she sighed.

i know she was worried about me, but it's tough when the whole world is constantly asking you if you're okay, if you need anything, when you just want to be left alone.

"i want you to get out of the house with me. take a walk around campus or something. you can't stay in here forever," she leaned against the doorframe, raising an eyebrow at me.

"i can, try me sienna."

"he wouldn't want you to."

i sighed. she seriously needs to stop using him against me.

"okay, we'll do that tomorrow. in the meantime, i want to talk to you about something."

why i said that? i have no idea. but the shock on her face made me crack a smile for the first time in a week.

␥

sienna

amelié hubert wanted to talk? this was unheard of. but whatever she had to say, i would let her, and if i could help her, i would in whatever ways i knew how.

"you know who guan yu is, right?"

i nod.

"renault academy too, right?"

she nods in response. thank goodness i remember all the racing talk she and my boyfriend told me about.

"he came up to me at the funeral, asking me why i gave a tearless eulogy."

we both sighed simultaneously. i had a feeling i knew where this was going, and how it might've ended.

"let me guess, you never gave him an actual answer and left him hanging?"

she nods. "i don't know whether i could trust him. now though, i feel kinda bad, just because i left him hanging. plus, he was someone who anthoine considered a friend, and if anything, he would've trusted him."

a pause, a sigh. the weight of our silence was ever-increasing, waiting for someone to break it.

"i don't know if i should tell him, but it might be a good thing, since he's a stranger - no fear of judgement, see? if he hates me, he can just ignore me for the rest of time. but if i decide to be crazy and tell him, there is not a chance it'll be through the internet. if i'm going to tell him, it has to be in person."

amelié has always been somewhat guarded, and for her to open up to someone new was unheard of. she never embraced feeling, preferring things to be straight-cut and clinical. she didn't believe in love, didn't believe in friendship. she felt that caring made you weak and foolish, and she couldn't be that. however, she always admired anthoine's ability to empathise, to feel, to love.