Old Habits

Tish: going to die anway

Tish

I pulled Conor to bed early and I snuggled up close, letting him wrap me in his too-cool arms. I was used to Conor being always warm, and I didn't like that he was so cool to the touch.

"Please stop worrying," he murmured.

"That sounded like an order," I teased, knowing that it was not.

"I can feel you tense. I'm sorry I'm not better; I don't know why I'm taking so long to be normal again."

"It's not your fault," I told Conor. "I'll try to relax; I don't blame you."

"I do; I should have listened when you said to wait," he sighed. "I should have waited."

"You never do, I should be used to it by now."

I suspected that Conor was unused to falling asleep without me, but I was here now and he fell asleep in minutes. I wasn't tired. I was still reeling from the idea that the hunters had been attacked out in the open. I hoped that Peter had survived.

I could hear the vampires talking out in the living room, and I reluctantly wormed out of Conor's sleeping arms; if I couldn't fall asleep myself, there was no reason to wake Conor. Stefa was in the kitchen again. I took the plate of snickerdoodles and set it in my lap, prepared to eat the whole thing.

"Do you think we'll be able to go tomorrow?" Jackson asked me. "You told Mel we weren't."

"I don't think we have a choice," I said. "We have to get back. The hunters had pretty extensive data banks on all the known packs and clans in the country. Whoever attacked Chicago, if they were even a little smart, now has that information. The chances of the farm being exposed are high. I think if we had been followed, we would have noticed by now. And even if we were, we certainly will notice when we get out onto the plains and out of the woods."

"Will Conor be better by tomorrow?" Mike questioned.

"He should have been better today," I replied. "I don't know. I'll have him shift in the morning and we can hope that his bruises will finally heal. But staying here until Conor eats his body weight in tacos isn't going to help anyone."

I stacked two cookies, biting into them with a sigh. I would have to tell Mel we had more vampires in our party. I would have to explain that I had known about Mike and not told her.

Nolan, back when he had come on to our property, had called me the enforcer, and I didn't think he was wrong. I had a different role in the pack than the others. People listened to me, even when they weren't listening to Ralph or Mel. But when I was withholding information, it felt wrong, even though I knew it was the right call.

"You should get some sleep then," Mike said. "You know you're going to be too anxious to rest in the car."

"It's twenty hours; I'll have to sleep sometime," I scoffed.

"Tish, I cannot believe I'm saying this out loud, but we need you to be healthy and rested so someone can being out in the sun," Jackson said. "Because none of us have fed in two days and normally, that would not be a problem. But we've all had quite a week."

Mike tried to take my cookie plate away from me and I growled at him, taking three more cookies before relenting and letting him have the plate.

"We'll make food tonight for the trip and pack it," he promised. "No more fast food burgers, okay?"

"Okay," I sighed, rising from my seat.

It wasn't very late at all, but I shuffled back into the bedroom, resuming my place in Conor's arms. He changed positions and sighed, putting his arm back around me.

Conor woke up suddenly in the morning: another nightmare. I sat up as he shuddered, sweat dripping off his forehead.

"Hey," I said, touching his arm. "Are you're okay?"

Conor smiled. "Yeah, thanks."

He seemed warmer under my fingertips and certainly looked less pale. I hoped that the worst was behind us. The bruises on his arms were just as pronounced, but I was feeling optimistic.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?" I questioned.

"No, I'm good," he said, yawning once. "I think I'm going to shift again."

He wriggled out of his pants and tossed them at me with a laugh, shifting into his wolf form before I could toss them back at him. When he regained human form, his bruises had finally receded. I threw his pants at his face, but he sat down next to me, not dressing. He had definitely lost weight; his muscles were not nearly as defined as before.

"You cannot let Stefa bite you again," I told him, seriously. "You should make some actual effort to keep vampire blood away from you. I think it's only going to get worse from here, Conor."

"You're probably right," he sighed. "I don't normally have open cuts or wounds. But yes, I agree, and I will do better." He gave me a lopsided grin. "I feel better."

"Do you want to talk that nightmare that just woke us up?" I questioned.

"I was back in the basement," he said, leaning back. "I don't remember what else. I'm nervous about Helen; I don't know what we could do if we accidentally brought her back with us. To the pack."

"We will do our best," I told him, leaning over to kiss his cheek. He pulled me into his arms, kissing up my neck, but I stopped him, leaning away.

"Conor, all the vampires are awake and right outside," I said.

"What are they going to do about it?" he grumbled.

"We have to sit in a car with them; I don't want to hear it for twenty hours," I told him. "And you should get dressed."

"Oh, clothes," Conor rolled his eyes, but did as I asked.

I changed my shirt and repacked our packs, cramming the dirty laundry into Conor's bag for travel. Conor checked around the room for anything we might have missed and we headed out of the bedroom, hand in hand.

"About time, you two joined us," Jackson remarked.

"Good morning to you too," I told him, dumping our bags on the ground. "Are we ready to go?

"All packed; just needed you two," Mike replied. "Stefa's in the car; she wanted to be alone for a bit."

I was sure this wasn't a good plan, so I pointed at our bags, gesturing for Conor to take them to the car while I helped Mike pack all the cookies, cupcakes, and other odd foods that had been baked in our time here. I was grateful we wouldn't have to eat fast food for most of the ride back. Now that I had gotten used to Mel's cooking, I couldn't believe how many years of my life I had eaten out.

Outside, Conor had opened the back and was moving the seats back up so we had a back row again. Stefa climbed back there and lay down almost immediately. I helped put the rest of our things in the car and we all climbed in. Conor took my hand as Mike backed the car out and we headed down the gravel path back to the main road.

"Mike, you're driving?" I questioned.

"Don't get him started," Mike said when Jackson groaned. "But it's easier for me to drive while you all sort out the next steps than for Jackson to wreck while yelling."

"None of that is true," Jackson grumbled. "Well, except we do need to sort out a plan."

"We stop every five hours and get gas and stretch, we're there in twenty hours?" I remarked. "I don't know how much of a plan we need."

"Helen will send someone to go back to Saint Louis to clean up," Stefa said quietly. "They will see I'm not there. They will notice the two hunters; possibly follow up at the STF branch in town. If they get Tish or Conor's name, they'll know how to find us."

It was the most Stefa had said about Helen without panicking. But when I turned to face her, I saw that Stefa just looked resigned. She thought we were going to die, I realized. That we wouldn't make it to the farm. Or, that we would be too late for our own pack.

"We are not going to die," I told her firmly. "I will not allow it."

She gave me a ghost of a smile and then continued watching the scenery out the window.