Lonely Christmas - A Sailor Moon Fanfiction

Chapter 7 - Loneliness

Today I will be the third wheel to Motoki and Usagi's second date. It sounds like a game show I would really rather not be on. How do I get myself into these things?

I walk down the street toward Kohaku, the restaurant Motoki selected. It was a pretty ritzy place for someone on his budget to go to, let alone treat their girlfriend to as well. I look down the street, though I still don't see them in sight as I near the place. They had said 7:00, right? It was 7 now. This time, I didn't appear 20 minutes early out of excitement.

Thinking they may already be inside, I trek up the stairs and into the dark, romantic restaurant. Japanese lanterns were the only light source around the tables, each shedding red or yellow light through their thin paper. The waitresses were all dressed in kimonos with their hair tied up in tight buns. I caught the man at the podium looking at me curiously, and I strolled over.

"I'm meeting my two friends here," I explain, looking around for them as the man checks his book.

"Ah, under the reservation of 'Motoki'?" the man asks. I nod, and the man bows back and leads me to a small table in the corner. Obviously they're not here yet, and I suddenly feel a bit funny sitting in this place alone. A waitress comes over immediately and asks if I would like something to drink, but I just shrug and order a glass of water. She politely nods and walks off.

I play with my chopsticks between my fingers as I glance around the room. There are very few other tables with more than two people to them, and the couples make my heart ache. It's obvious every person in this restaurant is in love; even by the way they glance contently from  their meal and back up to their partner. There are a few happy laughs here and there as they all talk quietly amongst themselves, caressing each other's hands and even stealing a few kisses. I thank God as my waitress comes back with my water, diverting my attention to the glass set in front of me. As she walks away, I desperately try to keep my attention on the drink. I take a sip, swirl the contents in the glass, play with the ice… but then comes a laugh that I cannot ignore. My head shoots up immediately, eyes darting toward the entrance.

I catch sight of Motoki and Usagi immediately as they laugh together at the podium and wait for the man in the front to seat them. Okay, Mamoru. Showtime. As they approach, I smile broadly.

"Hey, you two," I greet as Motoki takes off his coat. He sets it on the back of his chair and moves to sit down. This man really is an idiot. I tap the table and our eyes meet, and I motion for him to help Usagi with her own coat. Looking at me like I had seven heads, I sigh and get up as Motoki sits down. Whatever… I'm not complaining as I smile to Usagi and slide her coat off her slender arms. I see Motoki nodding, as if trying to remember to do that next time, but my attention is forever focused on the girl standing in front of me. I place the coat delicately upon the back of her chair and slide it out for her. She giggles, as if never been treated like a lady before (which amazes me), and sits before I slide her in. I take my own seat, and suddenly the beautiful atmosphere I had set between Usagi and I is broken.

"Boy, it sure is cold out there, eh?" Motoki says, looking a little uncomfortable at the events that had just taken place between his girlfriend and me. Usagi and I both nod. "Were you waiting here long, Mamoru?" he asks me.

"Huh? Eh, no, not really," I reply, taking a sip from my half-filled glass of water. I had been waiting for ten minutes, according to the clock on the wall. "Why were you two running late, anyway?"

As Motoki tells me how they had gotten a little lost and ran into a few people they knew, the waitress fills two more glasses of water and sets them down before Usagi and Motoki. I nod, only half-listening, as I'm given a menu.

Usagi is quickly glancing over the food options several times, as if she has no idea what to choose. I smile, glancing down at my own list of mouth-watering choices. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Usagi's gentle hand reach out for my glass of water. Curious, I keep my gaze subtly set upon her as she picks up my glass and places it to her lips without thinking. She's too preoccupied with the menu to even glance at the glass she had just picked up, and she sets it down again. I chuckle softly.

There's light conversation as we continue to discuss what each of us would like to eat. By now, Usagi's gone through the list twenty times over with no choice in sight, and Motoki is trying to convince her to just close her eyes and place her finger on a random dish.

"Just get the dinner bento box," I recommend to her, "It's got a ton of stuff in it, so you can get a little bit of everything."

Usagi smiles and nods, and we're ready to order. Highly amused, I just sit back and take a sip of my water.

It tastes like strawberry lip gloss.

I blink, and then remember that Usagi had taken a drink from my glass just minutes before. I lick my lips lightly, taking in the sweet strawberry taste again. Is that what it tasted like… if I were to kiss her? My lips crave more.

~*~*~

"So, cheers," I say, holding up a small plaster cup of green tea… not exactly something very good to toast with, but it was slim pickings at this table. Trust me, I would love to just drown myself in some hot sake right about now; let my mind go completely numb to the way Motoki and Usagi have been staring at each other all night, how Motoki looks at me almost triumphantly as Usagi clings to his arm, how they glance down at each other when I'm in the middle of a story. The toast that I just made to them was complete bull, and they could probably tell by my annoyance and hesitation to say anything nice.

"Cheers," they say together, clinking their glasses to mine in unison. Together. That's how they've been this whole night. But they're a couple, right? I've told myself that over and over again, and though my heart wants to tell me otherwise, my brain knows better. I'm better off never listening to my heart again… it brings me nothing but pain.

Motoki and I get the check and split it evenly, and the time spent tonight with the two of them have been the longest moments of my life. All I want to do is go back to my dark cave and wallow in self-pity.

But no.

"Let's all go to the park and get some ice cream!" Motoki suggests. Can I punch him? Please, can I punch him?

Doesn't he know what this is doing to me?! He has to be able to tell by now… the way I look at his girlfriend, the way I wince when they get close, how my lip has been quivering with the craving of Usagi's kiss… I can't help any of this, and Motoki has had to have taken notice by now. Is he just trying to rub this in my face?

"Yeah! Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah!" Usagi exclaims in a giddy voice, "Let's go get some ice cream! With sprinkles!" Her eyes light up and she gives me an adorable puppy-dog face.

...Ugh. How can I say no to that?

~*~*~

Usagi had devoured her ice cream before Motoki and I had barely started our own. She skips ahead of us, humming happily.

"She's happier than I've ever seen her," I say painfully to Motoki, taking a small nibble of ice cream. I lost my appetite long before my entree came at the restaurant.

Motoki nods with a smile. "Yeah, I'm really happy too," he says softly, looking at me. "Thanks for telling me she liked me so much, Mamoru. This has really made my holiday… and I'm sure it's made Usagi's as well."

I find that familiar sting in the back of my eyes as I fake a smile and look down to the ground, walking to the beat of Usagi's happy humming. Made their holidays, huh?

...what about me?