Lonely Christmas - A Sailor Moon Fanfiction

Chapter 10 - No Right Time

I have an hour before I need to leave my place in order to meet up with Usako and Motoki at the tree lighting ceremony. I’ve showered, again, in case I still had remaining grime in my hair from wallowing for so long, and I’ve put on my favorite green jacket with a black cotton t-shirt underneath it. I’ve actually been so daring as to spritz myself with a little cologne… it smells like sandalwood and just a hint of rose.

Why dress up for my confession? Well, I’m not really sure, but its kept me distracted all afternoon and stopped me from hurling myself out my own window and cursing myself for not opening my mouth at breakfast. No matter what, regardless of whether or not I think it’s a good time, I’m going to tell Usako and Motoki how I feel tonight.

No, really. Shut up. I mean it this time.

I wash a few dishes and place them on the side of the sink to dry which eats up another fifteen minutes of my time before pacing nervously back and forth in my living room. I consider trying to pump myself up with Sleigh Ride on the CD player again but decide against it and instead opt to just leave my place early. On the way out, I pick up the little gift bag with the stuffed rabbit in it I’d bought for Usako and never had the chance to give her. Maybe it’ll help take the sting out of my news when I see her. Or add to it. Whatever.

In the two hours since I’d last been outside the temperature’s dropped to below freezing, and a chill immediately overwhelms me by the time I’ve locked my door. I wrap my white scarf around my head and set off down the road with a huff.

As the snow crunches beneath my feet I think about how I’ve become the official third wheel to Usako and Motoki’s relationship. How could I let this happen? This will be my third outing with them as an “official” couple and they’ve barely been together for a week and a half. Eh… all that is about to change, anyway. After tonight I’m sure I won’t be hanging out with them anytime soon.

This brings up a good point… the chances of Usako or Motoki wanting anything to do with me after tonight is very slim. I’ll have to stop going to Crown after class every day. When Usako inevitably crashes into me on the street, what am I supposed to say or do? Just set her back on her feet and continue walking?

I sigh and say a mental goodbye to Meatball Head teases and funny conversations with my best friend. My mind is screaming at me to keep my mouth shut tonight, that losing these things isn’t worth it, but my heart is battling that and insisting it’ll destroy me to stay silent and continue watching from the sidelines. My heart wins.

I glance longingly into the gift bag with the stuffed rabbit in it and pat its head with my gloved hand. Somehow, it gives me the strength to do this. I continue padding down the road.

Some of the festivities have already started with music and vendors as I near the town square where a large pine tree towers far above the fountain before it. Two people are finishing up wrapping the thing in tinsel and there are a few ornaments dotting the branches, but I can’t help but think that my half-dead, lopsided tree looks far better than this gargantuan, bare-looking monstrosity.  

“Mamoru, you came!” I hear someone call from behind me as I catch myself staring absently at the tree. I immediately snap out of my reverie and whirl around to greet the source of that sweet voice that warms my heart despite the cold.

“Hey, Usak-- gi,” I say with a smile, and she catches me looking behind her for her favorite blonde-haired male accessory.

“Motoki’s not here yet… you know him! But for someone who isn’t a big fan of Christmas, you sure got here early.” Usako exposes her wrist out from under what looks like four layers of clothing to check her watch. “Twenty minutes early. Man, you must hate people like Motoki and me!”