OUT BEYOND THE MATRIX

Dopamine

"EMILY!!!", I hear someone call out for me. "Start the fucking car!! Snap out of your zone!!", I panic & start the car, "It won't start. There's water coming out of the gear box." Slowly, steadily, I see myself drowning. I let out a cry for help, I couldn't. Something heavy was on my chest. I pull out the rod from the car seat and hit the window with all that I have. I swim up to the surface just to see myself standing in front of Alex & Josh in the woods, struggling for air I ask them what is going on. "You know, you're not supposed to be here, You're an outsider. Get lost", Josh snapped. I walk towards them but the more I try to get close, the further they seem to get. "I don't want this", I whisper. "I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS!", I curl up my knees & sit down, "please, somebody help me out". "Hey, Mum's here. You're gonna be just fine sweetheart", I look up to see mum in my room. She repeats the word as if it's the only thing she knows; There's someone standing at the door, a shadow. I don't know how but it's smiling, his eyes piercing through me, I scream in terror.

"HEY! Hey! It's okay, hushhh, It's just me. Drink this", I woke up to Alex standing with a blanket in his hand. He gave me lemonade to drink. we sat together in silence, He didn't ask me what I dreamt of & I didn't ask him why he was standing beside me. It was weirdly okay sitting with him. "Have you ever gotten a sleep paralysis?", I broke the silence. He sighed & looked up at the ceiling pondering an answer valid of the circumstances. "I guess you could say so. You'd laugh at me for it but it happened when I was in 9th grade, I was exhausted from the day & chose to sleep a little early that night, I don't know if I was in deep sleep when it happened or it was a ghost but it was definitely terrifying. In the middle of the night, I took a turn just to see a huge black cat sitting in front of me. It was looking at me with its amber eyes glowing, It was a cat but I'd never forget the teeth protruding from its mouth, sharpened blades that could snap a neck in seconds, It was heaving & growling and at one point I thought I heard him say something but I guess human mind tries to forget the memories least liked."

"Jesus, Did you do anything?"

"No, I smiled at it. YES I DID, WTF DO YOU MEAN diD i Do SomEtHinG??", He mimicked me & I laughed.

"But like, do you know that in Islam, It's said that those dreams especially the sleep paralysis are from the jinns which they say are astral beings which we humans can't see because of a veil God has put in front of our eyes", He was listening to me so intently, No one does. It was nice of him.

"Am I interrupting a heart-to-heart conversation right now? Need I close my eyes your highnesses?", Josh winked at us and we both did an 'EWWW, JEEZ SHUT UP', "Ayo, I was just checking the social media, turns out the Pilot had forgotten that he was the man for the job & somehow, fortunately or unfortunately the jet engines collapsed as well. It was a tragic accident killing 90 people onboard & 15+ in the area where it crashed".

"Look, I know this sounds really childish but I don't think the next 2 months are gonna be great for us. We gotta plan shit out", Alex nodded to me saying that & Josh was scrolling on his phone. We sorted the things we got from the Walkart, making a list of everything we got. It was enough to last us here. Half a month had gone by us, we were doing good. Josh & Alex had put up barbed wires around the cabin & small alarms if someone ever trespassed the area within 80 meters of the cabin. It wasn't much but it gave me a peace of mind since every night I'd wake up screaming. Alex gave me my pistol to have it with me so I wouldn't get these awful nightmares but it didn't really help. I had started taking sleeping pills just to get a peaceful night. No, none of them know and I'd like to keep it that way. Alex taught me a lot about cooking these days & It helped me trusting him in the process. Alex is a sweet kid, I almost wanna protect him but then I remember he's older than me. Not that this has any effects on him though, He laughs at jokes like it's the last time he'd hear them. He's always making us trying to laugh. And he likes sweet stuff, If you wanna make him do anything, ANYTHING. Just give him something sweet, adorable I tell you. Josh always had me waking up at 7 in the morning to practice self defense with him & Alex. He's like a big brother I never had, He got me a taser & told me to use it anytime I feel like someone's gonna attack and to never ignore my gut feeling. The cons of him being a brother is that he sleeps at 7:10 making me do the training, Alex is okay with it because he gets to have josh's sweets. Now, we're living our lives as runaways & the past is all up there, being written on a typewriter by the will of god being recorded somewhere.

Alex runs his finger through his hair, sweating crazy practicing offensive techniques in a fight. I'm right here, on a log sipping my morning coffee trying to get myself to wake up.

"Hey, Come up here. I wanna get over with this. Let's start by getting you warmed up", He takes my hand & gets me to stand up. I start by stretching my hands then my legs, I do some jump jacks we did in school during P.E. When I'm done with the warm up, Alex asks me to be his opponent. He starts by punching me headstrong in the face which I manage to block with my forearms resting in a cross in front of my face. "Hey, Don't ruin my face", He chuckles, "Well, You should be more involved in practicing with me than sipping your coffee", I stop his blabbering by going for his face for which he manages to block except now, his abdomen is vulnerable & I punch him there with the other fist," I like to be a lil more sneaky, your welks", he drops down pouting, " And I like to double cross my opponents", He put his legs around my feet locking them up & pulling me to the ground with him, coming on top of me & holding my hands on each side. From where he is, I can smell the perfume mixed in with his sweat. We're both breathing heavily right now. "I told you", He was pinning me to the ground and I couldn't move because of the weight he had shifted to so I wouldn't wriggle out. He locks his eyes with mine & I'm desperate. I'm desperate for an escape. I can see his brown eyes more clearly, more vividly & I can't. They were the most beautiful brown eyes I'd ever seen & I could see myself in them. For a second there, He looked down at my lips and flicked his gaze back up to me or so I thought. I have never been in a romantic relationship with anybody, the thought of it creeps me out. I don't wanna be alone, no. I just didn't find the kind of romance movies & people talked about admirable. But this, Oh God. No.

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Heyyyy, I know this chapter's a bit smallll but WE GET TO HAVE OUR FIRSTTTT LOVE TROPE SCENE AAAAAAAA. so happy for em uwuwuw.