OUT BEYOND THE MATRIX

The Escape

I look at Josh & my eyes revert back to Emily, she's crying at this point. She puts her face in the pillow and wails. My heart sank & I didn't know what to do, I've never known what to do when someone cries, especially girls. If I were a police officer & there was a girl crying after committing a crime, I'd let her go. Legit. I can't bring myself to see someone in so much pain that their eyes start pouring out water. For every kind of emotion we have, there's a different tear on our cheeks. There is an order they follow, our tears. They're not the same, different as every emotion of ours. It's baffling knowing that God would take time to make these minute details. Josh realized that he was at the wrong place at the wrong time so he apologized & asked me if I could handle Emmi & I nodded. I didn't say anything while she was crying. It was painful knowing that she was mentally impacted. Emmi was different. Emmi would be the one to stare death right in the eye & wouldn't flinch. She'd ask the grim reaper the way herself. I loved this side of her, she was a leader, she'd mask her own troubles. I remember her from back when we would go to summer camps. She'd be the one to get all the badges & would motivate others to do the same. Right now, Emmi was vulnerable & she was letting me in knowing I'm a stranger to her.

"Aren't I all snobby right now?", I sighed.

"Well, Can I call you Emmi? It's hard to stay on formal terms when the other person is your best friend", she nodded while sniffing. Her eyes were starting to turn red now, "Emmi, I know you. It's gonna be alright. It's not like the world is ending", She raised her eyebrows in telling me 'Are you fucking kidding me or what'.

"Aight aight, I'm just kidding, alls I'm saying is that we two are the bad asses that're gonna make it, dump Josh as well, we'll go have a honeymoon after the apocalypse, done?" She laughed to my lame remarks & sat upright looking at me.

"You know, you're a good friend. I'm glad that I was able to make one, a friend who won't leave", she wasn't telling me this neither was she telling herself, it was her way of asking. It was how she always asked these kind of questions that made me know she was getting insecure, "Can I have a hug?", she was looking down at her hands, fidgeting, again.

EMILY BROWNE

I am utterly hopelessly lost & I have no one except Alex who feels like home even when he's not someone I should be calling that. God, at moments like these I really really wish I had a girl bestfriend who could at least handle my boy problems with me. Teenagers are gonna be extracted first, how rude. Wtf did we do to deserve this? Can't they pick up the elderly first? Besides, they're only being a burden at this point. I don't want this. I never asked for any of this. I asked Alex for a hug, I have no idea why I did that, I guess I needed it. There was a slight pause in his answer after which he snuggled close to me & hugged me. He asked me about the nightmares & the conversation continued like there were no other important matters to tend to. I told him that I haven't slept well lately & he decided to stay with me for the night. It was awkward for me to say yes to this and rude to say no, I chose to remain silent & he chose to stay. I woke up to a gunshot. Josh was practicing his aim at the cans that were used to make our food. I could feel Alex's breath on my neck, he was close, too close. He had his one arm around me holding me in, warmly. I felt something rush inside my stomach, 'so that's how butterflies in the stomach work' I thought to myself. I slowly turned around making sure I don't wake him up. I lay beside him as he's breathing, his hand wrapped around me rising with every inhale. Sunset at a beach, he smelt like that. The evening star you see being visible when the sun is saying its goodbyes, the sea parting its ways to let it go leaving behind essence of light & the salt embraced winds washing your face with droplets telling you that the sun will come back, everything will, in it's own time at its own pace. Alex, I kept repeating this name. I wonder why did I feel drawn to him. He did feel like he was someone close, someone I wouldn't wanna lose but he felt distant, like a far fetched memory. His hair all messed up but they looked perfect on his face. I wonder why I don't remember this handsome face. Yes, he's handsome. I'm admitting it. No, it's not what you think it is. I pull his hair strands away from his face & he breathes deeply.