OUT BEYOND THE MATRIX

Causality

Chrysanthemums, Symbolism for loyalty & love. As a child there aren't many days when you're not happy. There's always something captivating, something alluring waiting for you to explore at the corner of a street, in the small spaces of mum's pantry, on the big bookshelves of your father's study room, the counter where all the delicious cakes & pastries are showcased or having your favorite ice cream. The curiosity that builds up within us to learn more about the strange world we opened our eyes to slowly diminishes with time, when everyday you wake up to the same alarm clock, rubbing your eyes to the same morning light filtering through the white curtains, the familiar wind that blows into your room to welcome a new day but you've lost the sense of making meaning to the little things. Many people forget themselves, they lose their essence to the monotonous way of life, some hold onto themselves, still searching for the fire they possessed a long time ago, only few, however, remain conscious who haven't succumbed to the slumber of this life.

One of the first memories I can recollect of is the cold breeze of November, many colors of red and browns on trees & on ground, the singing of birds as they chirp together as to gossip about the humans below them, the warm hand that held mine while playing. On a cold evening, I went out to play with the kids in our neighborhood, mum didn't let me go because I had flu & showed signs of fever but when she headed out for some work, I snuck out. I found Alex alone among all the kids, He was following the trails of ants in search of their queen, to see how she looked like or know whether she wore a crown or sat on a big throne. He was as always the odd among the evens. He was always right there, down the street & I never thought of him more than that in my memory, at least, the one I have right now. I went up to him watching his gaze slowly move up the tree with his finger pointing towards the trail so he wouldn't lose sight of the marching of ants. He saw me coming & was about to flee from the scene of action when I stopped him, asked him to sit down with me since we both weren't really playing. Under the tree somewhere, there were chrysanthemums in full bloom. I was cold & sneezed when he took off his gloves & gave them to me, I refused to take them since mum told me not to take anything from strangers. Alex was a familiar stranger, a stranger nonetheless. He proceeded to pluck chrysanthemums, 2 red & 2 white & gave them to me smiling, saying Get well soon & explained that whenever his mum was sick, his dad would bring flowers for her. Little did he know about the confessing he made to me in the language of flowers for red chrysanthemums meant love & white meant loyalty. I never saw him afterwards, we grew up & time played its part really well or so in my memory to say the least.

ALEX BENJAMIN POV

FUCK. The first thing I said to myself when I looked at her lips, I wasn't intentionally trying to be an asshole. Up close, I could see the freckles she had on her nose & cheeks, she was never fond of them. Strands of her hair were on her face twirling their way around, creating mischief knowing the situation we were in, soft green eyes of hers with hues of yellow & grey that would change according to the number of days on the calendar. Some days, they'd change into this bright greenish-yellow hue & on some days, it would turn into greenish-grey color. I let go of her hands pulling myself back & stood back, I gave her a hand too but she didn't take it, stubborn as ever.

"Ahem, I'll head up to the lake for a while", she played with her hands nervously. Emmi can't stay put in one place, she'd be sitting with a book in her hands & would suddenly jump up, get her jacket, put on her shoes and would set off into the woods and for that hyper activity of hers, I thank her because she found a small waterfall that poured down into a lake. It wasn't discovered yet because we would've known about it from our parents. The woods are really big, people would often get lost here, rescue teams would be dispatched to find them. No one would try to find us because no one cared enough to think we're lost here. She's always fidgeting with something, typing on her laptop, watching some documentaries or anime which she so much loves, gardening in the backyard, checking the supplies again and again making sure that we're good to go and asking josh about the ways in which she can bring a man down in a one on one fight. Emmi at times is the most gullible girl being clingy and at other times, mean as hell.