Dear Karan

Chapter Seven

Past
28th April, 1998

Sakshi's Journal

Dear Diary,

Will these fights ever end? I am tired of these battles between Parth and me. What happened to the one who used to go all his way to make it up to me? What happened to the Parth who was all smiles to have me around him? What happened to the one who used to whine because I had to go home and couldn't wait for me to meet him the next day? What happened to the one who used to always hold my hand without having the fear of people watching us?

Now it feels like he had flipped the coin and being the complete opposite. He is blaming me for everything that happens between us. Every time that I am with him, I get the feeling that he sees me like a burden and cannot wait to get rid of it.

The other day I was waiting for him in the hallway and he promised he would meet me after the class, but just as his class ended, he came out with Natasha and pretended as if he didn't even know me. I mean, I get it, he might have not seen me or something but he should have at least known that I would be waiting for him.

Even if I let it go on this one, what about that day when I asked him to call me when he reached home but instead he texted me that he reached. And when I called him to just talk, it sounded as if he was at a party. Why would he go to a party without inviting me or at least letting me know that he would be going to a party? Why did he have to lie to me?

Am I seeing things like this or is he changing? Maybe it's just me being paranoid and possessive about my boyfriend. Srinika's boyfriend broke up with her because she was being possessive. Am I being possessive? Is this called being possessive? If yes, then I shouldn't be behaving this way, I mean it's not like I'm telling Parth that I know he was at the party that day, but he isn't that dumb to not know that I know.

I remember the time when I met Parth. That feeling in my stomach, I still remember it. That shine in the eyes of his, I could see the way he felt for me. I don't see that anymore. But you know what's the interesting part, I felt that feeling in my stomach again. This time, not for Parth, but for someone else. I saw the shine in the eyes, not of Parth's but of someone else. Is it possible to have these feelings for someone when you already are in love with another person?  Or is this feeling incorrect? But if it is not correct, then the time I felt it for Parth, it should have been wrong too. Or... did I stop loving Parth?

Apart from that feeling, there is something else too. Something like...like my life is about to change. Like....this is just the calmness before the tornado comes up and shackles up my life in every possible way.

What is this feeling? Why am I suddenly feeling things which I'm not supposed to? Are they even valid? Urgh, this is not happening Sakshi.

Okay, maybe I should just sleep.