The World Reversed

The Darkness Within

When I wake up, Julian is not with me. I look around, thought he might be up early. When I can't find him anywhere, I start to panic. I wake Asra from the sofa as I desperately call for Julian, waiting for a response.

"I think he left..." Asra concludes after we've search for Julian everywhere. He's holding a single feather we found at where Julian knocked off the mugs yesterday, if that's how you measure time in here. The broken shelves and mugs has repaired itself while we sleep.

"He won't! He can't leave me." I cannot being myself to believe that Julian has left, but it just feels like something he'll do.

"How typical Julian..." Asra sighs as he brings me into his arms.

"He would think it's the best way to protect you, leaving you with me." Asra curls his fingers under my chin, lifting me face to look at him. He looks blurred through my tears. I've lost Julian, all over again.

Tears fall out from me uncontrollably. I drop to my knees, letting the defeated feeling gets hold of me. I cannot cry while Julian's here, I had to be strong for him. He's gone, and I've lost all reasons to be strong.

"Stay. It may be our chance to start over. I love you." Asra wraps his arms around me, comforting me as tears keep falling out.

Nothing Asra do or say can stop my aching for Julian. He begs me to look at him, and tells me he gave me half his heart to bring me back. I didn't want to know it. I don't want to know any of this! I would run from him if I could.

"Julian. Julian... please..." Severe headache hits me, I feel torn apart from the inside. I gasp out his name in between breathes.

Asra's voice trembles as he tries to calm me, but the pain in my heart is too strong with the headache. I feel like I'm loosing it. And then...

"MC, it's ok. I'm right here." A warm voice hits me in all the chaos. I pull myself from the ground to look at the source of the voice. It's a man I don't know, but he looks...familiar.

"Don't you recognize me?" His brows pinched, the auburn hair falls into his eye as he lean down to check on me.

"Julian...?" I call out uncertainly. I've never imagine I can see him like this again.

I plunge myself over him, lips meeting his desperately. He seems surprised when our lips touched, but soon wrapping his arms around me as he returns my kiss.

The kiss turns heated. He slides his hands into my shirt, and frowns when he feel the many scars underneath. He takes my shirt off, and caress them with his lips one by one. Our clothes fall off, and scatters on the the floor as we stumble back to the bed.

"I'm sorry..." he mumbles into my lips as he came back up. I don't know what he's sorry for, but it doesn't matter now.

I gasp when he finally plunge himself into me. I don't know if I had any experience in the past life, but with this body, it's the first.

I wanted to take Julian many times, I didn't care what he looks like. Yet no matter how much I beg, he just would not let me.

"Does it hurts, shall I stop? Julian asks when he sees me gasping. How caring. Oh how gentle. Always so worry about others. My Julian.

"I'm fine..." I gasp as he pushes in a little more. I see his brows pinched with pain too as he holds himself still. It must be difficult for him too. It hurts, but it feels so sweet. I don't want to stop now.

"Always so brave..." he chuckles softly, and lower his head to kiss me on my forehead. I feel like I've been stung, all the sweet feeling suddenly gone.

"!?" With a loud clap, Julian leans back. One of his hand lays over his face, couldn't believe what just happened.

"Julian would never say that! He will not believe it when I say I'm fine!" I lean sideways, my hand just smacked him on the face. I glare at him as shadow crawls up his eyes.

"I'm sorry..." He looks at me sadly, the expression almost crying.

"Oh Julian... don't be. I love you..." the warm hazy feeling is back. I wrap my arms around his neck, and gently pull him down to lay on top of me as I kiss him sweetly. He holds his length by my entrance, and pushes himself back in. I'm ready to embrace the pain this time. I gasp quietly when he enters.

"Does it hurts?" He stops pushing, asking with his brows frowned. I reach out to cradle his face in my hand. It's red and hot.

"I'm fine..." I breath out, couldn't resist a smile on my face.

"Are you sure? I can stop if -" I cut him off this time.

"Julian, I'm ok. I want you now. Don't stop." I demand. And then, he pushes in slowly, kissing me as he enter. I almost can't feel the pain in my lower body.

"Ah...Juli..an..em..." I moan his names over and over again as he thrust into me. His hands on the side of my hips, pulling me closer with each thrust. His breath becomes shorter and faster. I wrap my legs around his waist, eager for his length every time he pulls out.

Waves of heated pleasure wash over me as I move my hips to follow his rhythm. He turns me around into a kneeling position, and finishes in me in that pose after a while.

We both collapse on the bed. When the hand reaches out to wrap around my waist, it's too tanned to be Julian's skin. I had no idea when did he turn back.

"Stay with me. I can protect you here." Asra proposes to me again. A phrase that sounds too familiar, like someone used to say it to me upon a time.

I close my eyes, pretend to be asleep.

In the darkness, everything seems so quiet and peaceful. I was lost in thoughts when I feel a tingling sense of magic.

I snap my eyes open and sit up, to see Asra's bare skin, and his hand glowing with magic. I glare at the magic, and recognize it as the memory spell. He has used it on me before, to prevent me from loosing myself over the memories I could never obtain again.

"What are you doing, what did you wipe?" I feel alarmed, and quickly search my memory. I was relieved when I find everything about Julian still there.

"I... nothing. I just wanted to help you sleep." His eyes darts away when he speaks. I've known him too well to recognize his signs of lies.

I push away from Asra, and collect my things in silence, ready to set off to another journey. I feel pain from my lower body as I move, and biting my teeth to hide any emotions on my face.

"Where...are you going?" Asra asks wearily, like a child found cheating in a game.

"I'm going to Julian." I could have lie, but for some reason I want to tell him. I want to hurt him. I feel like it's all his fault that Julian left.

"Why? So he can leave you again?" Asra grabs me on my wrist. Tears shining in his eyes, threatening to fall out.

"I... I love you. I won't try to wipe your memories again. Please, stay." He pleads, but my heart feels numb without Julian.

"You can stay, but I'm leaving." I struggle my hand free from Asra's grip, turning away when I did.

"You know I can't do that." I glance back. Asra smiles sadly when he meets my eyes.

"Does your heart has no more rooms left for me...?" With the last teardrop falling off from his cheek, he cast a illusional spell, and my heart starts pounding again.

Even though I know that's not really Julian, I still can't help feeling a little eager to reach for him.

"Do whatever you want." I swing the bag over my shoulder, and turn away. Asra stumbles over while dressing himself as I push the door open, leaves no intention for him to catch up.