Doodle | An Inspectokros Fanfiction AU

|Broken|

⚠ WARNING: This scene contains graphic depictions of self-harm, which may be alarming and/or triggering to some people. Please be mindful of this if you choose to read. ⚠

Amanda's POV

The first thing I did when I awoke in my bed the next morning, back aching from the plane ride, was check the side of my wrist.

Nothing.

Another night had passed with nothing new, not a single thing. And outside my apartment, the world was grey and windy. A dreary, depressing day.

My heart was heavy. I sighed as I hesitatingly got up and made myself a cup of coffee, just to sip at the bitter black liquid, dump it down the sink, and get back into bed, where I stayed for a long time, silently tracing the outline of the heart on my wrist and thinking.

I thought about Mom and Ian, I thought about all the acid-hearted relatives and their remarks, and I thought about the person on the other side, the one who was supposed to be here for me forever. All the people who wouldn't care, wouldn't give a damn if I died. I looked outside again and I saw a couple dancing despite the chill, obviously in love. I thought and I thought and I started to cry, and all the thoughts from yesterday's panic attack on the plane came rushing back, and I couldn't stand it anymore.

I pushed the covers off, stood, and began to shiver, from the cold and the anticipation, and then somehow I was in the bathroom and the weight of everything came onto my shoulders and I dropped to my knees and cried. Deep, aching sobs that nobody heard and nobody cared about, and then I grabbed the marker that was always on the counter and scrawled a simple message on my arm.

I'm starting to think that nobody's there. And if nobody's there, then nobody is there to care. So, this is goodbye. And if there is somebody there, I'm sorry for taking away the colors...

I put the marker back on the counter and replaced the empty space in my hand with a simple, but familiar razor blade. The cool weight of it in my hand seemed satisfying, like an object of closure. And it was.

The sharp metal pierced the thin scars on my wrists easily, and a thin line of crimson emerged against my olive-toned skin. The pain was there, sure, but it was a sickly satisfying type of hurt, the kind that just makes you want to keep going until you finish the job.

A drop, then two drops, then four drops of blood crept down the side of my wrist and onto the floor, creating a shocking contrast against the white tile of my bathroom floor. As more and more blood spilled and I grew more and more woozy, I vaguely wondered when somebody would notice that I was dead.

Unknown's POV

The first thing I saw when I woke up was the message being scrawled on my arm. Panic flushed through my whole body and numbed me as I stared down at the grim message on my arm.

I felt my whole body began to shake as I sat there, staring. This couldn't be happening.

Had I really made them feel so alone, so isolated that they wanted to end their life? How could I have done such a thing without even realizing it!?

"Mom!" I managed to shout, voice cracking from sleep and my recent sickness. I tried again. "Mom!!"

She cane running in. "What is it, honey? Are you okay?"

"I need a marker," I managed to choke out, tears of fear and heart-wrenching guilt spilling from my eyes. "Please- now!"

She left the room and was gone for what felt like ages. Rivers of tears spilled down my cheeks as my world began to flicker in between vivid, amazing colors and dull, heartbreaking grays.

"Mom!" I sobbed. Just then, she burst into the room, holding a marker and looking very, very confused. She handed it to me and I gulped, trying to choke back tears as I scrawled one simple word on my arm, all I could think of in the moment.

Amanda's POV

STOP

The word showed up on my arm in an unfamiliar script just as I had picked up the blade to finish the job, flickering in and out of consciousness.

I blinked at it once, twice, before the realization hit me just at the same moment that I collapsed and slumped onto the floor, my world going black.