Leading Her from the Darkness

PROLOGUE

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People handle trauma differently. Whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or sexual; every trauma is valid, and everyone responds to it in a different way. Forever changed by the selfish actions of another.

In the wake of tragedy, there are a number of underlying factors that guide someone down a certain beaten path. But to me, it's the journey that shapes a person into either their strongest or most vulnerable selves. It's the choices they make that define who they are as an individual.

But...

Which road do they choose to go down?

Why was that the one they chose?

Where do they want to end up once they reach the clearing?

The answers you seek are influenced by infinite catalysts and infinite reactions. This begs the question... What causes trauma victims to respond so diversely from one person to the next?

To which I respond - We may never know.

Some people let the pain eradicate their being from the inside out until they have nothing left but the misery of their memories and self-deprecating thoughts that eventually eat them alive. They implode into a black hole of nothingness.

They are nothing. They are worth nothing. They feel too much yet are void of any and all emotion at the same time.

Others turn to self-induced blackouts caused by their drug of choice. Hoping and praying that their euphoria will take them out of this world, even for just a night. Once the magic wears off, they start all over again. They fall into a never-ending, vicious cycle of drugs or alcohol, or both.

Self-harm usually comes into play. The inflicted pain on ones' body gives a sense of control - overriding the mind, causing yet another high when the overwhelming feeling of numbness is too much to bear.

Oftentimes, when the abuser is a parent or guardian, the kid will end up with someone just like the offender. Even without realizing it, victims can get caught in some cosmic force that draws them to people who will continue on the legacy. They may feel a sense of normalcy in it. They grew up with it. It's typical, right?

What's most tragic is when the victim turns into the abuser.

The brave ones-they get the help they need and go on to live normal lives. As normal as one could be, I suppose.

The broken hand out their trust sparingly. Maybe even never trust again. They learned the hard way, and their fortified cinderblock walls keep them safe from further harm. Hesitant to let anyone close enough to inevitably disappoint them.

So on, and so forth.

Me? My traumas started young... too young. I turned to reckless behavior with no regard for what the consequence might hold. I was dealt a nasty hand in life, so I gambled the rest away for sex, drugs, alcohol, self-harm, and shitty relationships that I stayed in far too long.

I didn't care back then. Not about me anyway. Which, all in turn, led to more abuse. Some from strangers. Some from friends. I figured it was my fault for putting myself in those situations in the first place.

So, I stayed, and I took my punishment.

My trauma as a child was too much for me to handle. Literally, my brain just... blocked it out. My psyche split in two. Later on down the road, I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, or otherwise previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder.