Leading Her from the Darkness

CHAPTER 5

   TRIGGER WARNING-SEXUAL ASSAULT FLASHBACK-READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION

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I am blinded by my tear-filled eyes. Attempting to let out a scream that is only swallowed by the void in my subconscious. It feels like the room is spinning and as though my body is not my own. My muscles are no longer controlling my limbs. I focus with everything that I have, telling my brain to just wiggle my toes. Just a little bit. But there is nothing.

Panic starts to envelope me like a python going in for its kill. It slowly tightens around my core being. Squeezing me tighter and tighter until I feel like all of the air is being ripped from my lungs. The pressure, unbearable. Like there's nothing left inside of me except terror and the acceptance of death. Willingly inviting it in to wash over me so that this pain will soon end.

Suddenly, I feel two enormous hands belonging to someone positioned above me, as they fully engulf my wrists, forcefully pinning them down above my head into the dirt that is surrounded by leaves and dying grass. I wince when I feel as each of their fingertips dig deeper into my skin, their nails biting down just hard enough to draw some blood as they make sure I am completely restrained and at their total mercy. I wince slightly at the feeling of two other unforgiving hands when they join in, roaming my unwilling body. Every fiber of my soul is internally screaming out with disgust, every passing second.

I feel the heavy weight belonging to the perpetrator holding me down by my waist, hurriedly lift himself off of me. The last sliver of hope I had left within myself feels like a punch to the chest, hoping that it was over - praying that they found a shred of humanity within themselves and changed their mind - or that someone beseechingly rescued me. However, I was severely mistaken. That warm feeling of hope was short-lived. Conceding to the harsh reality of the fact that I was too far beyond the brink of being saved.

But... a new, more gut-wrenching fear has risen to the surface, nagging at my brain as I lay trapped within the confines of my subconscious. And it scares me more than any sin that is presently transpiring around me. My actual fear is that, that last ounce of hope, which slivered its way out of the darkness of my caged up emotions... may now be forever robbed of me and never to be seen again when I feel the weight swiftly return.

An ice-cold breeze creeps over my previously scorching hot skin and gnaws away at my senses and my sanity. And that is when the realization of what is about to happen, hit me like a freight train. My clothing is no longer safeguarding my protesting flesh. The only feeling is that of burning heat as it trails behind each unwanted touch, followed by the torturous nipping of the early winter breeze.

I can hear the blood surging through my veins relentlessly and my heart is beating so violently that I am confident it can be felt by whoever is lying on top of me.

I want to scream. I need to scream!

"Get off of me! Please stop! Don't do this to me! Please!" I beg.

But there is nothing. No one can hear me. And they never will.

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I awake to a small, soft hand petting my drenched hair, pushing it away from my soaked face and neck. My defeated and broken down body is curled up in a fetal position, feeling like I'm trapped in an inferno I have no chance in hell of escaping from. The sounds of my heavy panting and violent heartbeat pounding against my chest cavity, permeate through the thick air of my room, infiltrating the silence.