Expectations

Part 1

The warm sun drifted through the gap of your linen curtains. You could hear water running, so you knew Jinyoung was up. He started work at 8:30 sharp, so he was an early riser. You roll over and check your phone for notifications. No messages from the clinic. You sigh deeply.

You had been visiting a fertility clinic twice a month. Despite your insistence that something was wrong, all tests came back completely normal. You were perfectly capable of having a child. Jinyoung wasn't so proud that he would refuse to undergo the same tests.

He went, like the gentleman he was. Jinyoung's teat results came back positive as well. You were glad that the issue wasn't each other, but you were becoming increasingly more irritated at the lack of answers to the problem. It wasn't a lack of effort. Contrary to the fact, you and Jinyoung had been trying for months. In the beginning, Jinyoung was more than enthusiastic about trying for a baby. As time went on though, intimacy became more of a chore.

You are brought back to reality by the sound of the bathroom door opening. Jinyoung steps out, a towel adorning his waist. "Morning, sweetheart." His voice is husky, still coated with sleep. You roll over and smile at him. "Morning. Do you want me to make something to eat?" Jinyoung nods appreciatively. "Please, if you don't mind." You wander into the bathroom, quickly wash your face, and then pad off to the kitchen.

You are busy frying some eggs when you hear Jinyoung behind you. "My parents wanted to come visit this weekend." You feel like someone punched you in the gut. The Parks. They were incredibly nice, and always supportive of your relationship-and marriage with Jinyoung. However... They weren't subtle with how much they wanted a grandchild.

It became increasingly apparent that their visits weren't out of desire to see you or their son. Rather, it was a reminder of your failure. Jinyoung was fairly intuitive, and knew how these meetings affected you. He nuzzles your neck as you turn the gas off. "It'll be okay, Y/N. They know how hard we are trying." You nod, and silently plate the eggs.

The two of you eat in silence. Jinyoung puts on his jacket, and gives you a kiss before heading out the door. Jinyoung was a wonderful husband, he really was. It just felt like a big black spot had appeared to soil your relationship. Intimacy always felt rushed, sloppy, and unfulfilling. You knew it was because the two of you had been trying so hard.

You had tried to initiate something last night, but Jinyoung gently rejected you. He claimed he was tired, and needed rest for work the next day. Except, this excuse was being used more and more. You couldn't help but feel hurt by it. Were you no longer desirable to him? Was your neediness off putting? You had decided to put your pride aside and seek out counseling.

Or more precisely, someone who specialized in marriage and relationship counseling. You desperately wanted someone to hear your cries. It always felt like Jinyoung was only listening with one ear. You just wanted someone to tell you how to fix all this.

Your first appointment was at 11:45. You still had ample time to laze around the house, but you hated being alone lately. You showered, put on clothes and makeup, and headed out the door.