Fleeting Moments

I. Deadline

From the moment we met, we both knew there was a deadline. We both knew you'd go back to France by the end of the year – for good.

Why did we only meet each other when you only had a month and a half left? Why did you have to be so cool? Why did you have to be so smart? Why did you have to be someone I could only dream about? Why did you have to be so near, yet so out of reach?

But even so, I am grateful to you.

You pushed down the walls that I built so thick after I got my heart broken. You persisted and earned my trust.

Even though my heart is very well guarded, it was okay. You were patient in that short time we spent together.

You were respectful. You didn't push too hard. You gave me space when I needed it.

You were gentle.

You were honest.

You were sweet.

When you caught a glimpse of my insecurities, you didn't shy away and fed them. You held your ground and kept proving me wrong.

The truth is, even though lots of people tell me I'm pretty, I don't really believe it. It's all just make-up and filters. No one really knows what they're talking about.

Sure, I'm fairly confident in myself. But deep down, I have doubts I never spoke out loud.

That's why when someone as gorgeous as you told me I'm beautiful in the most intimate way possible... only then did I start to believe it myself.

Maybe it's sad (or even pathetic) that it had to take a man to make me believe something I should realize on my own. But still... I couldn't deny it felt really good to hear it come from your mouth.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not just attracted to you because of your looks.

Yes, you're insanely hot. Yes, you make me gaze at you as if you're a well lit up christmas tree on December. Yes, you make me melt into a puddle with just your smile.

But you're way more than that.

You're clever, that despite our language barrier you managed to understand what I meant most of the time – and you catch on quick, scary quick.

You're driven, you know what you want and what it takes to pursue your goal. You're someone who'll stop at nothing to reach your dreams. And that's admirable.

You're brave, often pushing me to have courage to go after the things that I want – to hell what other people think.

You're cute, from how you get so excited talking about the things that you love to googling english words I used because you didn't understand them.

You're laidback, you don't let measly things bother you.

You're funny, though I like to pretend that you're not.

You're sweet, in the non-cheesiest way possible.

Most of all... You didn't make me question my worth.

In fact, you made sure I knew it. You reminded me never to settle for less than what I deserve.

You have no idea how much that means to me.

When you asked me why I was always laughing, I didn't answer. I didn't tell you that it was because I was happy.

And yet, I'm also not in love.

At least, I didn't let myself fall in love.

But I'm sad, so incredibly sad...

About the what ifs...

About the wrong timing...

About the fact that I may never see you again...

Why did I have to meet you, only to say goodbye in the end?

I remember as we walked closer to the airport gate, my heart pounded harder and harder... until the noise of the airport faded and all I could hear was the beat of my heart.

As we kissed for the last time, I was crying inside. But I held myself together and gave you one last smile.

Finally, as you walked away, you kept looking back at me – so hesitant to leave and yet you know you had to.

When you passed through the gates and I was sure you were gone... only then did I let the first tear fall.

No, I didn't fall in love with you.

But I knew it was only a matter of time before I did.