spoken word. (gxg)

twenty-seven.

twenty-seven.

It could have been worse, I repeated to myself when Asshole finally left.

I was beginning to hate myself even more. I had acted like a scared rabbit, unable to do anything but follow orders and beg pathetically.

Pliant, like a dog, he had said. At the time, I had the guts to deny it internally. Now, I felt no better than a dirty pig. I had wiped my lips into my shoulder repeatedly, leaving a stain on the delicate fabric, but the feeling hadn't left yet. Still, the sting I felt every time my injured lip rubbed against the soft material was worth it if it removed even a single piece of him from me.

More than that, I was anxious about why they had captured me. No one had told me what they planned to do with me-- though, I figured that if Asshole had any say my fate would be his.

I wanted to know who 'boss man' was. If he was in charge, maybe he would take pity on me.

Stupid, I repeated again, a mantra I had told myself many times since my capture. He ordered your kidnapping, why would he let you go?

Whoever he was, he was the man who hated June. For her sake, I needed to be strong. Get my head in the game.

It was hard to fight back, so hard. Every time I felt menace, I slipped back into my childhood, as if I had no control over my body. No matter how I screamed at myself to speak, scream, fight, my body wouldn't listen.

A male voice echoed throughout the room, and for a second I thought Asshole had returned. I turned tentatively, relieved temporarily when I noticed Gruff Man along with two other guys.

They way Gruff man and his associate, who I dubbed Rat Man as per his ratty mustache, acted around the man in the center made me believe him to be their superior. He was probably the boss.

"I'm Alpha," he introduced himself as he approached my cage, peculiarly polite. The way he said it, so matter of fact, suggested to me that he was confident I knew he was in charge-- like he didn't even have to call himself the boss for me to already know. He exuded power. The lackeys by his side stayed silent, but looked a little upset that Alpha had told me his name.

"H-hello," I greeted, trying to sound pleasant. I didn't want to appear rude to this man, lest he act similar to Asshole. Alpha examined my face for a moment before turning to the men behind him.

"Who did this to her?" He didn't sound pleased.

Both Rat Man and Gruff Man examined my face, and Gruff Man's face tensed.

"It was probably--" he spoke the name I had tried to block out, and I pressed my forehead into my shoulder upon hearing it. I wanted to put my hands over my ears, but they were still bound behind me. Alpha sighed.

"He needs to learn to cool his temper," he muttered, though his face stayed apathetic. It was weird to see how similar his expressions were to June's-- cool and emotionless. I wondered if she had picked it up from him. Maybe they had been close, and that's why he hated her so much now.

"I can fetch a medic," Rat Man offered, but Alpha waved him off, never taking his eyes off of me. They were blue like a clear stream, yet they offered no comfort. I longed for them to be a rich amber, framed by blazing hair.

"So, you're the bitch's new toy." The way he referred to June made a wave of anger rise in me-- an anger that had been absent on my own behalf. Suddenly, in June's defense, I found my voice.

"I'm not her toy," I spoke cooly, though my voice came out rather shaky. I had been on the edge of tears constantly, my throat consistently restricted. I sounded like a parched frog.

Alpha raised his eyebrows, regarding me with the stare I had grown so accustomed to on June's face. Their similarities were really starting to freak me out. I almost wondered if they were related, but stopped myself. They looked nothing alike, and I knew who June's real father was. Fear washed over me as I remembered him.

"You look like you have a question," Alpha stated, too calm. I raised my chin, trying to salvage a bit of the dignity Asshole had ripped to shreds.

"Why do you want me?" I asked. Rat Man, beside him, broke out in a peal of raucous laughter, causing a violent flinch to rip through me. Alpha's face stayed stoic as he raised his hand, and the snickering faded instantly.

"I believe you know that already," he answered. I didn't dare speak louder, though I wanted to, fearful my voice would break if I did.

"What are you going to do?" He examined me, searching my face, as if he was judging my worth. In an all-too-familiar silence, he turned.

"Sleep well," was all he said as he walked away, his gait similar to June's confident strut.

...

I didn't sleep at all. I had no clock to rely on but myself, but I was sure that I had passed a whole night without a wink of rest. My stomach, which had tortured me with hunger all night, had settled into a dull aching, and my chapped lips and dry throat had numbed. I tried to focus my attention on the stinging cut on my lip so their pain wasn't so terrible.

Life had enough mercy on me to recover my headache, at least. I was sure I was a little delirious, however, because everything began to remind me of June. The world threatened to become a mix of dreams and reality, but every time delerium crept up on me pain would shove me firmly in the present.

As if to torture me, if I stared at a vision of June for too long it would morph into the face of Alpha or the man who had kissed me. It was then that I would bite my own lip, vanish the figure from existence.

When I finally did pass out, it was due to a needle prick. Another small victory, perhaps, was the gift of a dreamless slumber.

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A/N:

don't take 17 credit hours while working 20 hours a week as a science major you'll hate yourself k thx

leave comments if you're stressed too and we can have a good stress party together except constructive and beneficial

-self care is important!!

-don't feel bad for taking breaks. if you've just been in class for 8 hours and you think you're gonna get home and do homework but you end up falling asleep let yourself sleep. pls

-im a hypocrite

-sleep is important get sleep

unedited sorry i honestly just slapped some words on a page and went 'this is okay right'