harry styles | my health teacher

37. n e v e r

when i wake up, i mentally slap myself for everything that went down last night. i should have never brought harry to my apartment, i should have never told him everything he did to me, i should have never accepted his offer to work at his show.

as much as i hated myself for the choices i made, i secretly am happy because there is a part of me that still wonders if harry would still want me.

harry is a hard subject for me because the things he did to me were unforgivable and i don't even know if i could ever move on from it, but at the same time i will never move on from him anyways. it's been 6 years so by now i've accepted the fact that harry is the only one for me, but i can never have him so it doesn't matter.

"hey pey!" bella says through my phone when i accept her incoming call.

"hiiiiiii, so something happened last night." i said worried.

"yeah you called me pretty late so i was alreayd asleep, but what's up?"

"so i ran into harry last night..."

"WHAT??"

"and i sort of ended up bringing him to my apartment and i told him all the shit he caused in my life. then he apologized and stuff or whatever. and THEN he invited me to his show, but i told him no because i'm trying to find a few shows to work at. the. he ended up asking me if i wanted to work at his show since i won't come for fun.... and i said yes," i say anxiously waiting for her response.

"that's.... good? i mean i don't no to be honest. i personally thing that this could end either really good or really bad. i know you still love him even though you don't admit it. and i also know that if this doesn't end how you secretly are hoping it will, then your going to be hurt."

"bella i don't know what's wrong with me," i say letting out a long breathe and a tear rolling down my cheek "i love him. i never won't. and i want him, but i know he doesn't want me. and that fucking bitch, camille. she called him last night when he was over and right after the call he left. i cant help but feel jealous about it."

"ok well tonight this is what your going to do. your gonna where something sexy as fuck, but not something that makes you look like you tried hard for. then your going to go and take some bomb pictures. and then your going to see where the night leads. and just forget about that girl, she's just his latest craze, you are much more than that."

after bella's little pep talk, i decided to figure out an outfit now so i wouldn't have to worry about it later. i decide on a short silk black dress and black platforms.

the rest of the afternoon, i went to the gym and showered and checked my email. i was happy because i was able to schedule a few shows in the next few weeks.

by the time i was done everything, it was already 4 so i got dressed and was on my way.

when i arrived, i entered through a back entrance harry told me about and showed security the badge on my phone. when they let me through, i went straight to the "team room".

thankfully i've been here before, so i know where most things backstage are as well as all the good picture spots.

when i got to the room, i immediately recognized harry's actual photographer, helene. i was a big fan of her work and i've actually talked with her over instagram a few times.

"hey! peyton right?" she asked getting up from the table.

"yeah!" i replied.

"i'm so relieved to have you with me tonight. this venue is huge and i'll feel better if there's someone else helping out."

"yeah this place is huge. i've actually worked here once or twice in the past year so i can hook you up with all the best spots." i said setting down my bag.

"yay! you'll have to show me around then. right now i'm just doing some editing, but i was thinking that we could go scope out the areas of the building in an hour or so?"

"sounds good with me." i says taking a seat. i was pretty relieved and happy because helene was so nice and i was excited to get to work with her tonight.

"by the way i love your outfit," she says as she begins clicking away at her laptop.

"aww, thank you."

—

as promised, helene and i take a look around the venue. the floor is set up so that there are two separte pits on either side of the stage which makes it harder to get good shots because we won't know which way harry will be facing at certain times.

speaking of harry, i haven't seen him at all today.

"so i'm thinking we could each take a side of the stage so we can get as many angles as possible." helene says pointing to the two sides.

"yeah that seems like the best plan," i reply.

helenes phone buzzes in her pocket so she pulls it out and i watch as she reads there screen.

"it's harry. he wants you to take the pictures backstage and i'm going to be getting some of the fans coming in out front." she says typing away at her phone.

"ok..." i say a little uneasy.

"nothing to worry about, he just likes to get a few getting ready and since the backstage area is pretty nice, there are a lot of places to shoot around." she says reassuring me.

"so i guess i should head to the front, but you know your way around the back right?"

"yeah i'll be fine." i say waving her off.

i head to the dressing room area assuming that's where i'll find him. as i get closer, i become more and more nervous.

i see a door with his name on it and i knock....