Fake News

Fake News (Part 3)

(Warning: This story contains inappropriate language.)

 “Why are you so desperate in going to New York City?” the dragon asked me. “Because,” I began, “once the villagers come back, they’ll become stronger. They’ll have more powerful weapons compared to what they had before. Besides, you’ll be killed by the volcano if you stay at the Valley of Peace for long.” Then the dragon asked, “What are we going to do about my army, though? I don’t have very many troops.” I looked towards his army-- his minions were blue dragons, and they were about half my size. Then I pointed a gun at them and shot it. The dragon’s army multiplied by five, and they were ten times bigger than they were before. “Do you have any other concerns?” I asked. He didn’t say anything else, so I continued to walk forward.

            *             *            *     

        My search for the villagers took a whole month. I finally found them and I approached them. “Who are you?” Johnny asked. “Your worst nightmare,” I replied, while laughing fiendishly. The villagers looked at me with a confused look. Then the government approached me and said, “Look, these people are at war and I am supposed to aid them. So go play golf with your children, because this war involves dragons!” I immediately pushed him forward using my telekinesis. Then Joseph (the dragon king) approached the villagers. “Oh, shit! How did he know we were here?” asked Johnny. The Joseph smiled. Then he started the battle by shooting blue fire at the villagers. Every single villager was froze as a result, excluding Johnny, who used his shield to avoid the blue flames. Johnny ran the opposite direction we were facing. “Typical,” I murmured. “Minions! Chase him and destroy him!” Joseph yelled. His minions immediately obeyed. “You have done well, Mario,” Joseph complemented. “Okay. Now it’s time to search for my brother. I want the rest of the army to search each galaxy for him. Then it’s time to destroy the Universe!” I said. “But what about that other guy Johnny?” he asked. “That idiot will not survive the dragons we send to him,” I countered, “besides, we’ll destroy him after if he manages to survive.” Joseph then called all of his minions and told them to search for my brother.

              *          *        *                

        I have waited hours, then those hours turned into days and then weeks. And yet none of Joseph’s minions could find my brother, Michael. God. I wish something interesting could happen. Then the government approached me again. “What are you doing, you stupid tooth pick? I am Mr. Angelo, and I was about to give those other idiots weapons to defeat the dragons! I could have gotten millions-- if not billions --from those autistic villagers! And you just fucked it up! And now I’ll destroy you guys myself!” he said, while giving me a death stare. “Yeah? Well I don’t give a fuck, you broke mother fucker!” I argued. Then Joseph froze him using his ice breathe. “ ‘I could have gotten millions-- if not billions -- from those autistic villagers!’ Pathetic!” I mocked while laughing. Then one of Joseph’s minions approached me, and he was out of breathe. He had made it seem as if he just fucked up on something or running from some short of hazard. “Mario! Mario! Johnny is back!” Joseph’s minion announced. “What? I thought I told you guys to destroy him?” Joseph put in. “I know, I know. But then this fat guy dressed up as Santa Claus sent all of my friends to different worlds using some short of wand. I was the only one who was able to escape the situation,” answered the minion. “What! How did he know I was here?” I yelled. “You know this guy?” Joseph asked me. “Correct,” I said, with the most serious face ever. Then Johnny ran towards us, alongside Santa Claus. I grabbed my ice gun and I froze Santa Claus immediately. Joseph smacked his tail at the frozen Santa Claus and he broke into a million pieces. “Good! Now that piece of shit finally dies!” I yelled. “Minions! Destroy him!” Joseph yelled. The minions continuously shot blue flames at him and Johnny was dodging them. “Where’s your Santa Claus now?” I mocked. Then Johnny got extremely mad and threw a bomb at the dragons who was attacking him. In moments, they were nothing but ice cubes. He threw the same type of bombs to all of Joseph’s minions, and they became ice cubes as well. I instantly threw a sword at him at he and he dodge it without any hasatasions. He was about to throw and additional bomb at me, but he realized he had no more left. Joseph then smacked him with his tail. “All right you little bitch! It’s time you die the same way Santa Claus was killed!” Joseph yelled. Then he grabbed him and was about to eat him. Then Johnny threw a bomb in his mouth and Joseph dropped him. “You asshole! You almost killed me!” Joseph announced,  while he was coughing. Then he ran in the opposite direction again. I was shooting him with my ice gun, but he grabbed his shield to block my attacks. I was more pissed now, than I was when the frogs jumped on me and  simultaneously accidently made me break the Time Sceptre. He froze all my minions, almost killed my allies, and sent my best friend against me. But then I had an idea. “What are we going to do now?” Joseph asked. “Oh, don’t worry about it. I got a plan,” I answered, while looking at Santa Claus’s wand.