🇷🇺 Reaching Out

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Russia x depressed fem reader

Request from Quotev.

Warning, this one's pretty sad. Themes of depression, but it gets better at the end. If you're feeling down, please talk to somebody. I guarantee someone in your life cares about you and there are plenty of people online who want to help. If it's really bad, talk to a trusted adult or a professional, everyone deserves to be happy. Stay safe, take care.

Rough one to start with huh. I promise the next one won't be as depressing haha sorry. 

Word count: 1,496

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Tired. It's all you ever knew anymore. You were always so tired, drained by the life you're supposed to enjoy.

Living day to day was difficult, to say the least. Walking around feeling like a husk of the person you once were. Not going to lie, it kinda sucked. What made all of this even worse though, was being forced to watch others be happy. It felt like being disconnected from the rest of humanity, like everyone was living in the future while you still dwell on the past.

It's never easy to lose someone you love. Whether a friend or family member, death or separation, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that they aren't in your life anymore, it hurts. Someone you trusted to never leave you and now they're gone. Forever.

These constant emotions of sadness, helplessness, despair. They left you so tired, all the time. Days pass by feeling like nothing but endless misery. If every day is the same, what's the point in waking up for the next one?

Normally one would say the relationships and memories you make are worth living for. But who would want to be friends with some loser who's sad all the time? You would just bum them out and that's the last thing you want, for others to feel your same misery. This is the same reason why you cut everyone off, they don't need to deal with your personal issues. They don't need you bringing them down. They don't need you.

Nobody would care if you disappeared off the face of planet Earth. Nobody would notice if you were gone forever. Nobody would even bat an eye if they never saw you again. At first thoughts like this were manageable, but time marched on and these words only got louder. Surely there's no point in living a life where the one person who cared is gone. Flawless logic, obviously.

It was a Friday. That was the day you woke up and decided you never wanted to be awake again, for real this time. After turning off your phone, you tried to go back to sleep. You tried to ignore the persistent nag in the back of your head and go back to the empty void where you feel nothing. Yet, the voice that spits its constant vile had other plans. So, instead of the calm numbness of sleep, you found yourself sobbing. An endless weep that shook your whole body.

Meanwhile, your absence has caused some concern. It was 7pm and you still had yet to respond to any form of contact. This was worrying to Russia, who had been trying to reach out for the past 2 hours. Usually, you would come over on Friday for a movie night, something he set up so you wouldn't be so alone all the time. He had noticed your strange behavior and uncharacteristic, reclusive attitude. What scared him the most about this though, was how much he could relate to your behavior patterns. The state of mind he had when his dad died. Lack of energy, turning others away, going radio silent. Hell, if not for Belarus checking up on him, he would probably be dead right now.

When yet another call failed to go through, Russia knew what he needed to do. He called out a goodbye to his sister, ran out the door and hopped in his car. If you wanted to be stubborn, fine, be that way. It was foolish anyway to think he would let you go down without a fight.

Eventually, the crying stopped, leaving you empty all over again. Times like this made you like the low moments, it was better than feeling nothing at all. It was dark outside, not that it mattered anymore. Turns out your sense of time gets thrown out of whack when you sleep at least 12 hours a day, who would've guessed?

Sitting up in bed you stared at the wall, brain full of so many things and yet they all seemed out of your reach. Hours had gone by at this point, just staring. You couldn't even find the will to lay down again, everything seemed so pointless. Once in a while, you pondered picking up your phone, to see if anyone was curious of your whereabouts. That idea was always shot down, convinced it would just bring disappointment.

Then, there was a knock on the door. Since there was no possible way it was anyone you knew you ignored it. Sure it may have sounded more urgent than your typical Jehovah's Witness. Maybe they were trying a more aggressive technique? The screaming and pounding soon faded into the background. Hold on, screaming and pounding? What in the-

You weren't given much time to ponder a reason for that when you heard your door getting kicked in.

"(Y/N)!!!" A clear yell echoed off your walls, accompanied by the sound of rushing footsteps. The voice sounded familiar.

Before you knew it, Russia was standing in your bedroom doorway. He was panting and on the brink of tears, but his face showed relief. Silence rang loud in your ears as the shock wore off and you feel another wave of emotion threatening to wash over you.

"I was so scared I had lost you!" Russia said, nearly choking as he cried with happiness.

As he stumbled over to your bed, it took every ounce of power you had to not burst. Holding it in became impossible when he enveloped your smaller form with a warm bearhug. He always gave the best hugs. Every defense you had set up for being around others collapsed. You threw your arms around him and let loose, sobbing harder than you ever had before into his chest. Someone finally cares.

His grip tightened, letting you ride out this much needed wave. When you were able to calm down he pulled away a little, tilting your head up to look at him. Pushing some hair away from your face he gave you a goofy grin, causing you to giggle a little.

The next couple of hours was spent talking about your feelings or whatever. Extending a listening ear, Russia had insisted you vent anything that came to mind. Starting off felt strange, you had never really talked about your issues to anyone. However, his comforting aura and interest made it a lot easier. He also talked about his dad for a brief moment, or rather how hard it was to lose him. Sharing tips on how he got out of that rut of thinking by connecting with others. Of course if still stung, his facial expressions made that obvious, but it wasn't the open wound it had once been.

Getting it all out felt good, especially with Russia being supportive the entire time. Not once did you feel like a burden, which was a pleasant change from the norm. Although, once everything was said and done, he got right to scolding you. For one, not reaching out sooner and especially for not eating anything all day. Oh right, food exists, whoops.

After helping you to the living room, Russia went to the kitchen to make you some dinner. While waiting you browsed through Netflix to find a movie to watch. That's right, movie night is back on baby!

With a warm meal in hand, Russia sat next to you on the couch and you started the movie. Things felt right for once. In fact, dare I say you even felt good. However, exerting that much emotion in such a short time is tiresome. This time the tired wasn't bad, comforting even. Or maybe that comfort came from snuggling into Russia's side, who knows.

Sleep tried to come quickly, despite you fighting it so this moment could last forever. For the first time in a long time, you wanted to stay awake. Your efforts were not unnoticed, "shh, just sleep. You can always see me tomorrow." Russia said as he pet your head.

Tomorrow? The next day, another chance for new adventures. It seemed so appealing now, being able to wake up in the morning and be excited about something. Thinking about the possibilities you let sleep consume, a small smile on your face.

Credits rolled on the screen before Russia turned the TV off, casting the room into darkness. Gently picking up your sleeping form, get carried you to your bed and tucked you in. He cleaned up the kitchen and tidied up a bit before writing a note and going home. The moon shone overhead beside stars twinkling pathetically in an attempt to be as pretty as you. The earful from Belarus for being out so late was going to be well worth his time with you.

Bracing for a lecture, Russia carefully walked through the door. "RUSSIA HAS A GIRLFRIEND~!" Belarus started singing to his surprise. Oh good, this is something he's never going to hear the end of.

- Extra - 
(Y/N): "So uh, Russia, about the door?" 
Russia: *nervously sweats*

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