I know in my heart that he's somewhere in the world. He's probably married with a couple kids now. Both of which look like an exact combination of both him and his wife. 50/50, you could say. He probably rarely looks back at he's early twenties, a time in which he's probably due to forget. He probably forgot one night in particular, in which he went out for a drink and wound up sleeping with a Hispanic woman. He probably doesn't even know there's a curly-headed fifteen-year-old girl with DNA under his make. He doesn't even know that it's a daughter, his daughter, out in the world somewhere.
Oh wait, I shouldn't be rude, what's your name sir? Oh, yeah, right, probably won't find out till I'm eighteen. Even then I probably won't find out.
You're just a regular guy with a regular job, a regular life, with a daughter you have no clue about.
Oh sorry, shouldn't be rude, I should call you dad right? See that's the thing, I don't think you deserve the title just yet. See I was contemplating naming my son after you but since I can't track you down I guess that'll be hard to do.
Tell me, dad, where'd I get my curly hair from? Was it from you? Am I African American? I've been asked at least million times this year if I'm half black and half white.
I've been wondering that too, if I do say so myself. I'm 50% Mexican and yet I look more white. Is that what inherited from you? Or is it the adam's apple, the strong arms and big legs and huge head?
Or is it the ADHD? You know how hard it is to focus in class when all I can think about is what the other 50% of me is. Am I black or am I white? Am I Egyptian or am I Russian? I met this girl one time and I swear she looked like the younger me.
Not only that, dad, I identify as both a he and she. This is due to partly you giving me all these masculine features. I refer to myself as, "Ronny," I hope you like it.
All these questions in my mind and yet one trips me up the most. Do you know you have a daughter in this world who constantly thinks about you day by day? Or did you know she was pregnant and skipped town once you found out. That's just something I'd like to know
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a poem dedicated to my biological father, someone who's out there in the world having no clue I exist.
