Are you going to kiss me?

6

How can I be so stupid? I had no idea emma lives next door to my boy toy. Times with Samdi are never expected, he has this charm about him that forces me to say yes every time but it's not like I have any feelings for the man.

He's good in bed, and that's why I keep crawling back for more. Because he is so good at making me feel good when I need it the most.

I'm a single woman, I have aches, I have horny needs, they need curing and that is something he has always been happy to do.

If truth be told, I hate the man when I'm sober. I cannot look him in the eyes unless I've had a drink or two. But that's how we go. We drink, we hook up, and we split ways with no mushy conversations or strings attached. There's no feelings what so ever.

Emotions and feelings is a funny thing huh? I feel both I for Samdi yet so much for Emma. But why I'm haven't I taken my chances with her? That's down to my feelings.... because I don't want them getting hurt, or my heart breaking, or starting something we won't be able to finish.

Emma is this wonderfully gorgeous, talented woman who has eyes for me all day every day. But I turn a blind eye to it every day also. Why? Because I'm scared. I'm scared of commitment. I'm scared she will complete her firefighting training and head back to New York because I know that's her dream. So it's easier to shut her out and push her away, that way there's no relationship that will be ended far too shortly.

She's an amazing woman and deserves so much better than me. She's going to complete her training, she's going to head back to New York and she's going to be the most successful firefighter ever. Who am I to stand in her way? How could I stand in the way of her happiness and her career?

But the flirting and the teasing. I love it so much. Watching the way her cheeks burn crimson every time I throw her a wink of my eye, the way she licks her teeth every time I touch up my lipstick for her. Her eyes that go bashful every time I ask her to kiss me but deep down beg that she doesn't because my feelings will only grow. So you ask why would I destroy myself like that?

Because I love watching her look so happy and loved up, the way she grins and smiles everyday. The way she blushes and flirts back. It's an addiction I cannot shift away.

And now she's taken a whole entire week to avoid me, I just prey she is in work today, so I can make things right. But today is the day I amend what has been destroyed between the two of us.

The door opens, and golden locks hide a very pissed off face. Okay so it's clear she is still furious at me. I mean why wouldn't she be?

"Emma, before your shift can I just speak to you for a second?" I ask loudly, knowing eyes are on her and not wanting to cause a scene, so hopefully she will be happy to leave with me for a quick chat.

But instead she rushes behind the bar, tucks her loose curls behind her ear and smiles to a customer over the bar top. "What can I getcha?" She coos, taking a glass from underneath the bar and flipping it in her hand before pouring what he had asked for. "Thank you very much sir, have a nice evening"

"Emma. I know you're pissed off at me but do you really have to ignore me like this? It's awkward Emma"

All too quickly Emma slams the cash register and flips to face me. She's about to blow and I deserve everything she fires at me.

"Do you wanna know what's awkward Roni? What's awkward is that you knew how I felt about you, and yet you didn't consider any of that... I thought you felt the same about me as I did you" she huffs. "But I guess I was wrong"

"You wasn't wrong Emma. I'm a fool to ever think you would like someone like me, I'm not someone who has friendships, never-mind relationships Emma. I'm a free willed, horny bartender who will get lucky as and whenever I can, you've come to Hyperion Hights and fucked all that up. I don't like the feelings I'm having, I'm not used to it but I assure you it won't happen again, I promise"

"Why not?" Emma shrugs and this is where I feel like it's some trick question that I shouldn't answer.

"Why not what?"

"Why not let it happen again, you're single, you like a little bit of fun, why not live wild and do as you please. Live free and single Roni" she hisses back, keeping her eyes screwed onto mine.

Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut, but I don't understand the sudden change. She's so pissed off at me for sleeping with Samdi and then asks me to live free and single again with him.

"Because I'll ruin whatever chance I have with you, I don't want to hurt you Emma"

"It's a bit late for that. There is no chance of a you and I" she spits, looking me up and down in disgust sending a god awful shiver down my spine.

"Emma..."

"Hello, what can I get you?" She smiles so sweetly to another customer, shrugging off our entire conversation like it was nothing.

Like I was nothing.