Now I'm Here (Frian Fanfiction) (EN)

Chapter 3: On Such A Breathless Night As This

I know it's still Freddie's POV, but I promise the next chapter it'll be Brian's!

Freddie's POV:

I woke up in the middle of the night. The moon shined through my window, illuminating my room. I sat on my bed. I knew there was no way I would fall asleep again. I looked at the clock. It indicated 3:42. I sighed heavily before getting out of my bed. I walked downstairs and went to the kitchen. I filled a glass of water and I gulped it down my throat quickly, wanting to get rid of the headache. Unfortunately, my head kept pounding painfully. I knew I shouldn't have drunk that much. I was the one who drank the most, without realizing it.

A feeling of emptiness consumed me. I felt lonely. All alone with only myself as a company. Maybe it would stay like that. I didn't stand a chance with Brian. He seemed so excited about his date. Why would he want me? I found my friends lucky. They all had a caring family or at least a parent. Mine were always gone. They left for weeks sometimes, either for work or their own pleasure. They always made my sister come with them. I don't think I ever did.

I sat on the couch, wanting to get only drunker. I felt like I was gonna break. I didn't want to feel like that. I felt so weak. I never wanted the boys to find out. I would never tell them that sometimes, I just started at the ceiling, asking me what I did wrong. That some mornings, I wasn't able to get up. That those times I told them I spent having fun in town instead of going to school, I was spending them in my bed, feeling down about myself and everything. I could sometimes spend hours in front of the mirror, asking myself if there was even only one thing beautiful about me. I often gave up at one point when I didn't find anything. And I looked at John, Roger and Brian. They all had something on or in themselves that made them absolutely beautiful. Maybe that's why it took me a while to get friends.

I sometimes felt like I was too much in that little group. Like I didn't belong. Like they were better without me. I had to talk to myself sometimes in my head, to tell myself to go and talk to them, even if I knew I shouldn't have. I felt like I was dirtying their perfect group. They had good grades, unlike me. They had everything great about themselves, and there was me. I was nothing. I didn't have great grades. My parents hated me. I was horrendous. My body was way too lanky. My hair was too puffy. I had too big teeth. My nose was too long. I felt myself getting suffocated sometimes. Suffocated by all the things that were wrong in me.

But I always shut up. They didn't need to hear me complain about myself. They didn't need to hear anything coming from my mouth. I wasn't worth their listening. I don't think they would want to hear my complaints anyway.

When I was going to school, I knew I needed to keep my smile on. The more I acted like the dramatic Freddie, the less my true feelings came out, the better it was. So I tried to be as extravert and as intense as I could. I dressed insanely colourful and weirdly, I loved it. When I was at school, I pretended like all the comments that were thrown at me because of my appearance didn't bother me. That they didn't affect me one bit. But it truly hurt.

As I filled myself another glass of water, I felt something furry pass across my leg. I looked down to see two shiny eyes looking at me in the dark. I smiled slightly seeing my night friend purr against me. I picked Jerry up and gave him tons of kisses and hugs. Tom and Jerry were the best cure for sadness. They understood me when nobody else did. I would die if they were taken away from me. My mother gave them to me because she knew I sometimes felt lonely in the house when they were gone.

"You are feeling cuddly tonight aren't you?" I whispered to my baby.

He rubbed his little head against my hand. I held him as tight as I could. I knew it would make him leave, but I just needed some love. I noticed his brother walking to me at his turn. They were all here to make me feel better.