little fears // Shourtney bits & pieces

II. a heart to love, and in that heart courage to make 's love known

Shit shit shit. You kissed him you kissed him youfuckingkissedhim!

She ran for it, obviously, because what else could she do? The embarrassment, the crippling awkwardness of it, and also—also the wonderful tingling she still felt on her lips—it was all too much to bear. She knew it, she knew it was too dangerous, letting herself be alone with him like that.

Fresh air hit her face, and she breathed deeply, feeling oxygen spread through her body. She welcomed its calming effect.

He started that, that—that incredible, forbidden kiss. He did, didn't he? That peck on the corner of her lips. But why the hell would he—

The door she had come out through slammed open, and Shayne appeared, halfway through taking off the hideous red graduation gown.

"Court—" her name died in his throat as soon as he saw her actually standing there. "You're here."

"Well?!" she said, much more loudly than intended, putting her hands on her hips in an angry gesture. "Why did you—why would you kiss me, Shayne?! What the actual fuck?"

"Except that I didn't!" he responded, angrily tossing the gown to the ground. "You can't pin it all on me! It was an accident, you turned your head at the wrong moment. I swear, you know I would never—"

"Yeah!" she yelled, then composed herself in a blink of an eye. "Yeah," she repeated, quieter. "I know you would... never."

Even she was surprised at the obvious disappointment in her voice.

"You kissed me," he said, sending her a tentative glance.

She crossed her arms on her chest and puffed her lips, having decided that attack would be best defense in this situation. "Maybe. So what? You kissed me back, don't even try to deny it. What gives, dude?"

He ruffled his hair and ran both hands down his face, the gestures so wonderfully familiar that her heart stopped for a second.

"God, fuck. All right. Listen. I don't... know."

"Could use a bit more eloquence from a college graduate, pal," she mocked mercilessly.

He grunted, angry. Good. All of a sudden, an odd desire to drive him furious overwhelmed her. But his features softened after a few seconds, his face radiating a mixture of concern and some peculiar timidity.

"Something has changed," he whispered.

"I don't know what you mean," she said immediately.

"No? I think you know exactly what I mean. You kissed me."

"Stop fucking saying that. Fine, I did. I kissed you, Shayne. Happy? Can we leave it at that?"

"Of course not!" Shayne growled, incredulous. "Are you kidding? Do you remember the conversa—"

"Yes," she said way too quickly, blushing. "I remember."

She instinctively knew what he meant, because of course he would bring that up, the only conversation they ever had on the subject, that reluctant, alcohol-fueled talk she insisted on having about six months after they got hired. It remained one of the most awkward moments of her life, and Courtney was grateful she couldn't recall that many details from that night. She feared she might have forbidden him from falling in love with her, or something resembling an equally ridiculous line taken straight out of a trashy rom-com.

"Well, I mean... I remember only parts of it," she admitted. "I was drunk."

"We should've written it down," he chuckled. "What about what you said at the very end?"

A fuzzy memory appeared in her mind. She was standing in front of him outside of some club, poking his chest with too much force. You have to promise me, Shayne. If it ever changes, you have to let me know. If we ever find ourselves free of those fucking contracts, and we're both single, and you feel like... just, promise me.

"If you think you'll force some sort of a confession out of me then—"

He frowned. "No, no. You misunderstand. I don't expect anything from you. I'm the one confessing here."

"What?"

"Like I promised, I'm confessing. That my feelings have changed. Not sure when, exactly, but I've definitely been feeling like an infatuated teenager for the past couple of months."

"Oh. Oh—"

"I know it's out of the blue," he added, speaking very quickly, as if he wanted to just get it over with and lay it all on the line. "It sneaked up on me. And you don't have to say anything. I'm just letting you know that I wouldn't mind—doing more of what just happened in the corridor."

He made an awkward gesture with his hands, then turned around and started walking towards the door. He stopped for a brief moment to pick up the graduation gown from the ground, which was when her fingers locked around his wrist. "Shayne," she whispered.

Later, she couldn't recall taking those few steps towards him, as if her body acted on its own, realizing that this was too important to give up.

He turned, gentle awe softening the look in his eyes when she took his face in her trembling hands and whispered, "Tell me you've never wondered—"

She drifted off, but he understood perfectly and sighed.

"I think you know I can't tell you that, Courtney."

"Fuuuuuck," she whined. "Life would be much easier if I wasn't so obsessed with your sorry ass."

She kissed him rather forcefully this time, and he couldn't help but chuckle throughout.

"You're kinda ruining the moment, dude."

He grinned. "You now have to immediately forgive me for every stupid thing I do, since you're obsessed with my sorry ass."

"Is this how it's gonna be?"

"Don't blame me, I didn't make the rules of obsession, Courtney."

After a brief pause they both burst out laughing.

"Lucky for you," he said, "I'm also totally obsessed with your sorry ass."

Hope you enjoyed, guys. Yesterday's video gave me just enough motivation to finish this one up. Couldn't leave y'all hanging like that after the last one ;)

Title from Macbeth. It's originally said over two dead bodies. Oh well.

I hope you don't find my punctuation style too annoying. I do love me some (a lot of) dashes.