School Of Death

The regret

Life is full of regrets, surprises, shocks, tears. We have to face it one way or the other. Realities are always bitter, but we have to absorb them and stay strong. We might not eat dark chocolate because of its taste, but there are only two ways, you either frown or avoid it or you stay strong and face it. The truth is that it will come to you either way.

I was greatly disturbed by what I saw yesterday. I sobbed into my pillow for about two hours last night and and some point I slept. When I woke up today the first thought that came in my mind was the blur image of Kevin, walking, handsome as usual but the only thing was that his fingers twinned with the fingers of a girl that was not me, his arms around the shoulders of a girl that was not me. His eyes full of love for a girl that was not me, and I guess that made all the difference.

I knew that I had lost him, the only person I thought loved me had just gone, and not just gone, he had cheated on me, he had cheated on me in a way that had taken the light out of my eyes and replaced them with tears and the worst part was it had taken the hope out of my life.

I guess when it's all over, it just comes back, flashes you know. Sometimes I wonder how can the devil be pulling you towards someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you. I guess that this world burnt too bright and proceeded to fast that I just lost my balance and was unable to differentiate. The worst part was not loosing him, it was loosing me.

Mum was right that I am just a little girl and I am trusting the world too fast and blindly and as for me, I was always like mom how is a 16 year old supposed to be immature. I just became over confident and on the other hand his love blinded me.

Now I realise how it feels to be cheated. This was the same thing that my mother faced 7 years ago, when my real father cheated on her and at time she was about to have me. She was left alone in this world with an unborn child. I didn't feel like she felt because she went through a lot but this pain was also so great for me and I realised that how strong she had been and had gave birth to me, then when it was just unbearable for her she remarried. I don't blame her she needed someone. She never had made me feel different or less privileged than the other kids. She had always given me what I needed and when. I needed, that's what I call a perfect mother, someone who loved you. I had made up that she didn't care but I realized that she was the only one who did.

I regret, not just one thing I regret almost everything I remember i did in my past. Nothing ever seemed to be going right.