Indiscriminate Illusions (Misc. Oneshots)

better days have passed (Gryles)

Pairing: Harry Styles/Nick Grimshaw

Rating: General Audiences

Triggers: None

I woke up sad and I decided to channel my emotions into writing angsty Gryles so that's all that this is.

I hope you enjoy xx

Harry feels sick when he looks up and sees him. His heart sinks into his stomach, and for a brief moment, he honestly thinks he might faint. The world continues to spin rapidly around him, but he is stuck in this moment; the whiplash of the unexpected halt resonates up his spine and into his brain as he tries to process the fact that he's in the same room with his former lover.

"Harry...you alright darling?" Camille asks, her gentle touch to his shoulder barely registering through the barrage of sensations that he's currently experiencing.

Harry nods numbly in response without truly hearing what his girlfriend is saying. He's not okay - not even close, but he can't take his eyes off the person who has captured his interest for long enough to reassure her of that fact.

It's Nick who has so thoroughly ensnared his attention - of course it is. His brown hair is styled into its usual quiff, his teeth glint white against his lips as he smiles easily, his hands waving about while he greets the people around him. It's been over a year since Harry has last seen him in person, but he hasn't aged a day.

Harry should have known he'd be here. It's the Brits after all, but still - he hadn't been prepared to see him. That's why he's been hiding in LA and Japan...anywhere that's not London really.

It's been ages since he last spoke to Nick...since he left him. Harry's supposed to be over him now, he was the one who called things off when he realized that he couldn't be what Nick needs, but god - just the sight of him hurts more than he'd expected it too.

"I - I'm going to run to the loo," Harry spits out when he realizes that Camille is shooting him a confused look. He can't explain what's running through his head, not without admitting that Nick means so much more to him then he'd previously told her, and this is neither the time nor the place for that. "I'll be right back."

Harry doesn't wait for her to reply before he rushes off. He snaps open another button on his shirt as he goes, hoping to combat the sudden swell of heat that's leaving him dizzy and nauseous. He falls to his knees the second he gets in front of the toilet, a weak gasp filling his lungs before he's dry heaving noisily.

Tears fill his eyes as Harry tries to regain control of himself. He's being ridiculous, he knows that, but logic and emotions rarely line up, especially not when Nick is involved.

Harry hadn't thought it would be this bad to see him again, that's why he accepted the invitation to the Brits in the first place. He knows he's not ever going to be truly over Nick, but at least he can hear his voice on the radio now without feeling as if a knife is being twisted inside of his chest, and he doesn't dream about him nearly as often as he first did. He still misses Nick so much it aches, but he'd assumed that enough time had passed to numb the desperate longing he'd always felt for the other man.

Harry's mind rewinds to the day he'd first met Nick - properly at least. It had been here, at the Brits years ago, back when he'd still been in One Direction. That seems so long ago now...it was really. He had no idea what he was in for; he only knew that he fancied Nick and he hoped the older man felt the same. He hadn't known he'd fall in love with him, that he'd become his everything in a few short years, or that he would lose him in the end.

Harry isn't that fresh-faced teenager anymore, no - he's in his mid-twenties and he's just released his second solo album. He's grown up, both physically and mentally. A part of that process involved coming to the conclusion that he isn't what Nick wants. It doesn't matter how smitten they are with each other, because at the end of the day, he can't make Nick truly happy due to the lifestyle he's chosen to maintain. He knows all this - he's accepted it, but then why does the mere sight of him have Harry feeling physically ill?