IQ148 // namjoon ✔️

__NOVEMBER__

November ; 2016

She used to be that girl in the corner of the oldest independent bookstore in Seoul, but now her name is seen in bookstores across the country: Korea's new rising bestseller.

Now she sits on the balcony of her hotel room, overlooking the streets of Gangnam, the current stop of her book tour. Tomorrow, JungMi will be having a book signing event at the biggest bookstore in Gangnam: a major advancement from her humble beginnings in the corner of the tiny, independent bookstore.
But even with a long line of people waiting to meet her tomorrow, there's only one person on her mind.

Buried underneath her pile of clothes in her luggage is the music album NamJoon gave to her at the book signing weeks earlier, still untouched. JungMi sets down the clean shirt she was intending to grab and pulls the album out from the bottom of her luggage. The album cover is jet black and sleek with a faded image of a gust of smoke against the background. In the center are four circles, each with a unique, intricate design.

JungMi turns it over to read the tracklist on the back adorned with NamJoon's little doodles.
Although she had every intention to listen to the album before starting her book tour, she has yet to listen to the songs he so courteously highlighted for her. Before she had the chance to just sit down and relax to the music, she would be on a plane to the next location or in the presence of other people trying to get her to the book signing event on time.

But now that she's by herself in the safety of her hotel room, JungMi has time to listen to NamJoon's song.

JungMi pushes the disc into the CD player— thank goodness the hotel provides it— and adjusts the volume accordingly so the song is contained within her walls. She checks which number the highlighted song is and skips to it.
As the song slowly starts to fill the room, JungMi walks over and sits by the window: the perfect view of the city's lights at night.

She listens intently. The background noise of the song blending in with her surroundings.
And then she hears it... and suddenly it hits her...

She hears the sounds of people clapping and the subway train rolling away... The sounds NamJoon told her about in Ttukseom that day so long ago.

I know
Every life's a movie
We got different stars and stories
We got different nights and mornings
Our scenarios ain't just boring
I find this movie very amusing
Everyday, I want to shoot it well
I want to caress myself
I want to caress myself

As she stares out the window, it really does feel like she's watching a movie; she's watching human activity from a distance, through a screen.

She watches the lights in the buildings nearby, showing people who haven't left work yet.
She watches cars trail behind each other on the freeway, trying to stay in motion.

She watches the last of the sun's rays fade behind the silhouettes of the buildings and watches as the horizon grows darker.

She feels socially distant, but as she hugs herself and rubs warmth onto her arms, she's reminded that she's alive.

But you know, sometimes I really really hate myself
To be honest, quite often, I really hate myself
When I really hate myself, I go to Ttukseom
I just stand there with the familiar darkness

Hearing these lyrics, JungMi realizes she was never aware of how bitter NamJoon was with himself since he was always the one to lift her up. Perhaps she failed to see how he felt because she was so blinded by her own feelings; she missed out on a lot of potentially amazing things all because she was sad.