Aftermath

Broken

"No Katniss! Kat-katniss-k-k-katniss! No! No!" I watch him as he violently writhes on the bed, slamming himself against the matress, screaming and shouting at the top of his lungs as he attempts to fight off the damage the capitol did to him. "No!" He wails his eyes wild. 

"Ssssssh, it's ok, everything's ok. Sssssh, easy now Peeta, easy." I say as calmly as possible stroking his hair and face. "It's ok." I hate seeing him like this, I hate it more than....well, I  don't quite know.

Of course, it's been worse before, I mean I've had to call Haymich round once or twice because he was so out of control.

God, I'll never forget that day. He just flipped, within a mili-second he was yelling and cursing, fighting with himself, hurtling vases and ornaments around the room, narrowly missing me a few times.

The look in his eyes afterwards, the way he couldn't kiss or touch me for weeks. The way he was so hesitant and careful around me for months after.

He hates himself, he hates himself so much that I can see it's killing him inside.

"NO!" He pleads "NO, NO MORE, PLEASE NO! STOP! PLEASE!" His eyes are closed tight his hands clenching the bed sheets. Frozen in fear.

"Peeta." I whisper in his ear. "Peeta I'm here, it's me Peeta" I softly kiss him on the cheek and his body relaxes almost instantly, his breathing becoming steady once more.

We lie side by side in silence.

Praying that this will be the last one. 

"Katniss I-" Peeta begins his voice cracking as he tries to sit up and face me.

"No, Peeta. It's ok, it's not your fault." I say sternly placing my hand on his chest to keep him from sitting up.

"No Katniss." He says  forcing himself to sit up. "It's not fair, I-I-" Then the tears start rolling. 

"Peeta." I say gently wrapping my arms around him. He shakes violently when he cries, because he always tries to mask his tears. "It's ok, Peeta."

Once he's calmed a little he turns to face me, stares into my eyes, before softly turning my head with his thumb to reveal a fresh bruise throbbing on my right cheek bone. He inhales suddenly and jerks away.

"Peeta-" I begin.

"No!" He yells at me, tears rolling down his cheeks even faster. "Don't tell me every thing's OK! Don't you dare! I did that to you.....I hurt you......I hurt you again......I......" He crumples to the floor. I rush over to him but he holds his hands out. "No! Don't come near me!" He wails. "Don't!" 

I stare at him. It hurts so much seeing him like this, I need him so much.

"Please Peeta, I am not going to lose you again!" I yell back, pain causing me to enrage. "Peeta! Most of the time you are completely fine! For God's sake! Once in a while you have a little blip, but then you're OK again! You always recover Peeta, always! Now stop forgetting that you are loved by so many people, me most of all and that you Peeta Mellark, survived two hunger games and the bloody capitol!" Of course, the curses were far worse, but I would rather not repeat them again, because me cursing just makes Peeta laugh.

But this time he doesn't.

This time he just looks broken.....