⸸Patient Kim⸸

⸸ 5 ⸸

I often ask myself, "Am I in control of my body, or is my body controlling me?"
These thoughts often settle in my head after having been experimented on;
Having the chance of freedom in my own hands,
but not being able to do anything to save myself, I grew confused.

Why wasn't my body cooperating with what my mind was telling it to do?

If I truly had the devil within my blood, couldn't I use it to my advantage to break free?

Couldn't I have done anything with my maleficent powers to escape the hell I was rotting in?

And the answer is... No. I couldn't have.

Being such a mindless child, I was afraid of facing my demons for a while. That was, until I slowly started bonding with them.

They didn't find me weak. They didn't ignore my prayers. They didn't judge me.

And yes, I started to pray to Satan himself, as I lost my faith in God.

God never responded to me.

God never answered my questions, or made my prayers come true.

God is someone nobody believed in inside of this deceased hospital, so no one ever taught poor little Seokjin who God was.

But my mind was telling me to listen to someone else.

Someone who was lingering around my head. His calling became my hope.

And when no one would hear my cries,
Lucifer listened.

His voice became my power.
When everyone was silent,
Lucifer spoke.

When I finally lost the sense of fear I felt towards my demons, I ended up becoming them.
That was the only way I could become powerful: Selling my soul to Lucifer.

However, Lucifer wasn't the only one that had listened. The doctors found out about my secret. No matter how secretive I had kept it from them, they all figured it out.
And the moment they knew I had been writing down satanic verses on the empty book, with my own pure blood, they immediately took it away from me and ripped it to shreds:
Page my page. Ruining all of the spells I was using to keep in contact with Lucifer.

Along with the pages they had torn, Loveless also vanished from my existence.

The only friend I ever had to accompany me within the darkness of my so called 'room', had now left me all alone.

My body elevated in the air as the demons floated out from inside of my body, when a priest began to perform an exorcism on me.

I recall a bittersweet taste left on my bleeding tongue as a black substance splurged onto the white foam padded flooring, which indicated that I was losing my darkness. The devil was slowly dissolving into the black puddle of blood that I had left, when pouring the evil out of my soul.

Right after I was left with my old normality again, I thought I was saved.

"Thank you!! You saved me, you saved me! Thank you... Thank you."
The words of my gratitude towards the priest brought a smile to his face as he gently placed his hand on top of my head, doing one last prayer for me.

My beliefs were slowly returning to me, and I felt like going back to my old self.
The child that his parents taught to believe in a God that lives above the sky,
and to avoid listening to the words that the devil had to speak.

My purity wasn't long-lived, however. When the priest walked out of the hospital, I never stepped foot out of the institution.

~~~

"When can I go home?"

"Oh, sweetie. Don't you know? This is your home now."

"W- what? But... But he cured me."

Unfortunately, being cured didn't mean I was automatically going to be set free.
My freedom was more than far-fetched.

"Where are you taking me!? Stop! Stop, no! Please, don't hurt me!" My eyes welled up as my innocence was taken from me once more.

They stripped me of my clothing and strapped my fragile body onto a stale, metal hospital bed. I shivered while watching the patients wonder why a young boy was crying out to his parents so much.

After all, I hadn't heard from my parents in such a long time, I had even forgotten my own street address along with the old friends I had.

"MOM!! DAD! PLEASE, SAVE ME! MOM!!" My first instinct was to call out my mother's name, multiple times. And that's when everyone started to whisper to each other.

"His mom..."

"His dad..."

"Poor kid, he's been through too much trauma."

"He doesn't know."

"He never found out."

I turned my head every which way, facing the people and forcing them to give me answers. I wanted to know what they were talking about when referring to my family and I.

"TELL ME!!" That's when a nurse had enough of my pleading and accidentally spoke the terrifying truth about my parents.

"Do you want to know about your mommy and daddy, Patient XXX?"

"Patient XXX? Who's Patient XXX?" I was startled by her laughter.

"As of today, you are! Oh, yes you are! Ohh, yes you are! You're gonna make us a fortune."
I began to shake.

A fortune? Were they planning on selling me?

Or selling parts of my body?

My mind was so corrupted and occupied by such thoughts, that all I was able to hear was the following, heart-stopping sentence that sent me overboard:

"We killed your parents."

~~~