Hear Me

Open Wounds

I saw you today.

Just a glimpse,

And it hurt.

It hurt.

It burned.

I felt like I was choking,

Maybe on nothing,

Maybe on my heart.

I felt the familiar prick behind my eyes,

The burning in my nose,

The shallow, unsteady breaths.

Oh God it hurt,

It hurt so badly.

I want to erase you.

Eradicate you from my life.

Eliminate.

Obliterate.

Anything.

A whole is burned inside.

Burned from something that never occurred,

And never will.

I ache.

Sometimes I think,

They wounds are starting to heal,

Maybe even fade to scars,

But then,

In just one moment,

One millisecond,

They are torn back open.

I want to claw my chest open,

And tear out my heart,

So I won’t have to feel this way.

I am happy to see those red marks on my skin,

Sign that I at least tried,

Attempted to do what I know was right,

But failed none the less.

It hurts so much,

Like a knife to an already bleeding gash.

I am so damaged, in so much pain,

That I cannot even cry.

Not one tear escapes my eyes,

Yet my heart sobs in agony.

When will this pain stop?

I’ll do anything,

Anything,

Just to make this go away.

I don’t want you.

I don’t want to see you,

Here you,

Feel you,

Need you,

Ever again.

Ever.

You hurt,

You hurt so, so much.

Please,

Please,

Just let me be.

You are the monster under my bed.

You are what I fear most.

I hate you.

But I don’t,

Because I can’t.

I want to,

Oh I want to.

But I can’t.

No,

All I can do is,

Bleed.