Flight

--

"it's been about 10 years..."
he recounted, looking out toward the sea.

"I doubt they'd even recognize me."
he shook his head, and looked back at Johanna, who was seated beside him at the window.

"why don't you visit them?"
she asked pensively, her eyes questioning.

Antony shook his head once again, biting his lip.

Johanna, who'd always longed to know her mother, and now wished so desperately for a chance to turn back time and fall into the arms of her real parents,
could not understand Antony's choice to live a life away from his family.
for if they were still in reach, why didn't he embrace them?

"They don't want to see me..."
he said, unable to hold eye contact with Johanna.

"They kicked me out."

Johanna sat in stunned silence, unsure of how best to respond to such an admittance.

Antony was the kindest soul she'd ever met,
he was gentle, and thoughtful in his words,
respectful and friendly in his actions,
and was more patient than she'd ever thought humanly possible.

she had no idea how such a sweet soul could be turned away by his own blood.

Antony stared out the window,
a misty look in his eyes as he thought of his mother and father, along with his little sister.

he thought often of his sister,
only hoping for the best,
as he prayed that she was able to find joy somewhere in life, hopefully far out of their parent's reach.

his thoughts toward his parents were murky,
as he felt so much resentment,
yet he could not pretend that he did not long for a second chance with them.

he laughed to himself at such a notion,
for there would be no second chances.

he'd most likely never cross paths with them ever again, and though that brought a certain weariness to him, strangely enough it also brought him some comfort,
knowing he'd never again here their yells,
or witness the disappointment and hatred in their eyes when they looked him over.

he shuddered at the thought of having to look them in the eyes once again.

Johanna scooted closer,
her eyes gentler than before.

sighing, Antony opened his mouth to continue.

"I was maybe 14 years old...15?"
he began, still staring out toward the horizon.

"and-and they caught me with someone."

Johanna put a hand on his shaking shoulder,
offering a silent source of support.

"with who?"
she asked quietly, giving him a gentle squeeze.

Antony held his breath,
remembering unsure lips pressed to his own,
fingers brushing against his jaw nervously,
an odd warmth coming over his body,
another's skin against his bare chest...

"my friend...my best friend."

he could feel lips upon the crook of his neck,
whispers in the dark...
nervous giggles...

"William."

Johanna's grasp on his shoulder loosened,
as she registered what he'd said.

"he...
I...I loved him..."

he squeezed his eyes shut, still facing away from Johanna, thinking of the tender moments that he'd shared with the other boy.

both of them had been so frightened of all the feelings and urges and longings...
both of them so frightened of who they were.