Jazz: Vol 3 of the Still Waters Series

Chapter 19

"I thought you were mad at me when you wouldn't come in." When I only blinked at her, Claire continued. "Because I got you in trouble. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Jazz..." She hung her head in shame, and then looked back up at me. I shook my head silently and then looked down at the baby in her arms.

Everything was so different.

"Do you want to hold her?" Clair leaned across the bed that we were sitting on, in a room that I had never been in before.

I shook my head no.

She sat back and pulled the baby back into her lap. I couldn't stop staring at both of them. The baby started moving her head around on Claire's chest like she was searching for something.

I looked up at Claire. "I think she hungry."

Claire nodded and started undoing her top to feed her. I looked over at the door to make sure it was closed and then back at Claire.

Without looking up she said "Remmey don't come in here." She got the baby situated and then looked back at me. "You different. What happened?"

I shrugged and looked back at the baby. Claire looked down at her, too, and then sighed in relief as she latched on and started sucking loudly.

Claire smiled at me. I smiled weakly back.

"Her name's Samantha." She looked down at the baby again. "Remmey call her Sammy. I call her that sometimes, too."

At the mention of Remmey's name, it felt like she stabbed me in the heart and my smile quickly faded. Claire looked back up and straight into my eyes, trying to read my face.

"What's wrong, Jazz?"

I just shook my head and swallowed down the chaos that had been spinning around in my mind from the moment I stepped into that godforsaken reform school.

"Jazz?" Claire was staring at me. She switched the baby to the other side. "Are you ok?"

"Claire..." My voice came out barely a whisper. I hadn't carried on a conversation with anyone in a long time. It was difficult. I tried again. "Claire...you Remmey's girl now?"

Claire went stark still and just stared at me. Then she started blinking and her mouth dropped open. She shook her head no over and over again. Then she went still again and looked dead into my eyes.

"No, Jazz. I'm Christian's girl. I'll always be Christian's and no one else's." Her eyes filled with tears. "Why would you say that to me?"

The tears spilled over. She wiped them away.

"Everyone says such horrible things about us, but why would you say that to me?"

I stared at her.

I didn't have a reason.

I looked down at the baby and so did she.

I started to reach out to my sister, but then changed my mind and pulled my hand back. Physical contact wasn't comfortable for me anymore.

Claire watched me like she didn't know what she was looking at. She knew it was me, but she no longer understood anything about me.

"Jazz...I wouldn't do that to you. Remmey is yours. He loves you."

I quickly looked away.

She held out her free hand. I took it.

"He care about you a lot, Jazz. He only wants to help you. He told me." She stared into my eyes. "He sorry he couldn't say goodbye, but...he wanted to see you when you came back." She held my hand tighter. "I told him everything that happened. Everything." Her eyes flicked rapidly and then refocused on me. That was weird. I had never seen her do that before. "Everything that I could remember..."

She looked down at the baby, and then back at me.

How she froze up and stopped moving when Papa tried to get her legs apart flashed through my mind.

"I don't remember what happened after...he..." her voice trailed off.

I nodded and continued gazing into her eyes.

Still nothing.

There was still nothing there.

"Jazz...I'm different now, too." I nodded. I saw it from the moment she walked out onto that porch. "Christian in Houston." Tears started falling from her eyes again. She wiped them away. "His Granny sent him back home. When everyone started talking about him. I knew she would."

I reached out and patted her leg. Then I pulled away again.

Claire pulled herself together and picked the baby up to her shoulder. She patted the baby's back until she burped loudly, then laid the baby in her lap and did up her own shirt.

I looked back at the door again.

Claire watched me, and then leaned over and squeezed my hand.

"Remmey not like that, Jazz." Her eyes wouldn't let mine look away. "He never touched me, never looked at me. Never said nuthin' wrong to me." She squeezed my hand tighter. "He loves you. Remmey don't want me. And I don't want him. I'm Christian's girl. I don't care how far away he is, I will always be Christian's, and only his."

She started crying again.

The baby started crying, too.

Claire stopped crying and picked the baby up to her shoulder. When the baby stopped crying, Claire tried once again to hand her to me.

"You want to hold her?"

I shook my head no.

Claire hugged the baby to her and kissed her pudgy cheek. Then she looked into the baby's eyes, and then back at mine. She started grinning and shifted the baby around so that I could see her face, too.

I stared down at her.

It was the first time that I had gotten a really good look at Claire's baby.

"She look just like you, Jazz."

I looked up at Claire and started grinning as big as she was.

She did.

The baby looked just like me.