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A Pretty Girl in the Library

After the last class of the day got over, I did what I assumed any sensible person would do. I ditched my friends and went to the library. I had kept all the books I wanted to read neatly arranged in a shelf that I named "my personal shelf". The point of "my personal shelf" was to not spend too much time searching for or deciding what to read. Yet, almost every time I graced the library with my presence, I searched every other shelf before I got to mine, hoping to find a hidden gem that I had failed to notice before. It so happens that that is exactly how "my personal shelf" was conceived.

From only Game of Thrones and Harry Potter books in the beginning to The Tale of Genji(both volumes), Animal Farm, Catch 22, Kafka on the shore, Metamorphosis, The Catcher in the Rye, The Canterbury Tales, The Godfather, The Picture of Dorian Grey, Crime and Punishment, The Count of Monte Cristo and many more, I periodically stacked all the books that I wanted to read in one place. There were times when others would borrow books from my personal shelf for long periods of time. It bothered me, but I thought of it this way, you know what? I didn't think of it in any other way, it pissed me off. I felt like the honey bee that toiled all year to make honey, only to have it stolen by a dumb yellow bear with a red T shirt and no pants. From that stack, I picked up "In Praise of the Shadows" by Jun'ichiro Tanizaki, one of the greatest Japanese writers according to the back cover.

To my surprise, I saw a pretty girl in the library that day. Why was I surprised you ask? That's because the Municipal library isn't a place where pretty girls are usually seen. Although, I could be wrong. If the reader is a pretty girl and wants to prove me wrong, then by all means correct me, preferably over a cup of coffee in an overpriced cafe. This girl took a quick glance at some unbound books and moved to the next shelf. She was wearing a half sleeve pink T-Shirt, regular blue jeans and white earphones. Her black hair was tied in a ponytail. She was a little shorter than me. I didn't see her face until much later (by that I mean a few seconds later. It felt like a long time to me, one of those times when a second feels like an hour). I'm not good at describing faces, so I'll just say that she had a cute face. Once again, she did something that surprised me.

"Where is it??" she muttered under her breath.

For three years I had been going to that library regularly but not once did I hear someone talk to themselves in the presence of a stranger. It may not sound like much, but it was strange.

She's probably looking for a book that's been borrowed, I understand your pain pretty one.

...Pain ...

I thought about Sally. I liked her a lot, I think I still do. She's one of the most remarkable women I've ever met. I had a crush on her for two years but she had no clue. It's not just because of her looks, everything about her fascinated me. I'm not saying that she's perfect, she's just ... perfect for me. Unfortunately for me, she had a boyfriend at the time, she still does. Who am I kidding? As if that's the only thing that kept me from dating her.

Anyways, where was I? Yes, the pretty girl in the library. I had a really strong urge to talk to her, like the one I get when people talk about anime, sci-fi or biryani. She was still looking for that book. With the Tanziaki book in hand, even I pretended to search for a missing book.

How do I talk to her? Hmm... let's see... She's looking for a book. I can just go up to her and ask her what she's looking for, would it be weird though? I mean, I've been here for a while, I'm pretty sure she noticed me. Would that really be weird? I mean, all I would be doing is talk to her. It's not like I've been staring at her ... for too long. She would definitely respond to me right? I mean, I'm not a creep, I have no ulterior intentions, I just want to get to know her. She has no reason to be impolite to me. When I ask her if she's looking for a book she'll either say yes or no. If she says no, I'll just let it be. I'll go take a seat, read my book and maybe find out why Tanizaki is called one of the greatest Japanese Writers. If she says yes, I'll help her find the missing book. I use this library a lot, I know where most books are kept. There's a good chance that I can find what she's looking for. After that we'll both sit down, talk about books, food etc. She seems like an interesting person, maybe we'll find each other interesting, we'll share a few laughs and anecdotes. If all goes well, we might exchange numbers and share memes. We might text each other late at night and share secrets. We might hang out more often. We would talk about our personal lives, share a few bittersweet moments, flirt a little and bitch about people we find annoying and then one day go on a date, maybe go on another date, and then another one, and another, until we would realise how perfect we are for each other and how it was destiny that brought us together, among other things. One day, she'd invite me to her flat ...

I smirked a little as I thought about what came next. Still unable to find the book she was looking for, the girl bent down on one knee and began looking for it in the bottom shelf.

"Ugh! Where is it?", she said, a little louder than before.

She continued her search in the shelf opposite to the novels section, the same section I was pretending to search in. Once again, I felt the urge to talk to her, but like every other time I felt this way, my good and bad conscience began to have a heated argument inside my head, only both of them were demons and the argument was about "how to best ruin my life". My legs started moving on their own, I found myself walking away from the novels section and towards the seats.

Maybe I should just go sit down. I keep saying this all the time. In my three years of college, I've never been able to talk to an attractive girl. Maybe I will one day, but it doesn't have to be today, right? Let me just read my book and then go study.

I moved to my left and stole a quick glance of her because staring for too long is creepy and I didn't intend to make her feel uncomfortable.

Maybe some other time.

During my walk of shame, I caught a glimpse of 'The Great Gatsby'. I smiled at it as if I read the book, even though I had only watched the movie (the Di Caprio one). As my smile began to fade, I thought about Gatsby. I thought about how tenacious he was, how he longingly looked at the light on the other side, the green ray of hope that shone from the abode of his lover, like nothing else mattered; how he turned the world upside down looking for the woman of his dreams. I imagined an orchestra of upbeat music play in my mind as I had these thoughts.

NO

Just as impulsively as I decided to walk away, I took a sharp left and ended up in the classics section, nearly bumping into the shelf in the process.

All I need to do is go talk to another human being, how hard can it be?

My desire to talk to her was not just a lousy attempt to get her number anymore, it had now become a war against procrastination and lethargy, the two demons that have been haunting me since ... birth?

okay okay okay okay okay okay.

I nervously tapped my feet. I fixed my hair, adjusted my collar, tested my breath (horrible as usual) and prepared myself mentally for what was to come. I took a deep breath and exhaled.

I'm gonna do this. No matter what happens, I'll go talk to her after 70 seconds. These could be the most valuable 70 seconds of my life. Whatever transpires next will leave a mark forever and remain in my memory for a lifetime. I won't let anyone take this away from me, not even myself, because if I play my cards right, I could probably turn my life around. This could be the life changing moment I have yearned for. A singularity. My life tomorrow would become drastically different from my life today. After these 70 seconds,

70, 69, 68 ....

A second later, she came to my aisle, standing only inches away from me. The scent of her Lavender perfume was tantalizing. My heartbeat went crazy, my hands began to tremble. I tried to act as cool as I could at the moment. I cleared my throat and with the deepest voice I could muster, I managed to say:

"What are you looking for?"

She didn't bat an eye. I assumed that she was listening to a song, or maybe I wasn't loud enough. I moved even closer to her and tried again. Even this time, she didn't respond.

That must be one hell of a song she's listening to.

I took a closer look at her earphones.

Sony earphones, if she were listening to a song, the whole library would have heard it. So that means...

I chuckled nervously, put my free hand in my pocket and walked away. That was not utterly humiliating at all, but at least I tried, for real this time. I sat on my favourite desk, turned off my phone's notifications and finished reading my book after two hours. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It helped me look at the aesthetics of Japanese culture from a different perspective. After a while, even the girl left, like every other girl in my life. I hope she found the book that she was looking for.