This is a trigger warning. A very heavy description of blood and thoughts of sudoku(if u know what I mean) I genuinely wrote this because I was sad
And okana-chan if U see this, plz do not read this m'kay? Thx.
??? POV:
Again, again and again. Throw me back again. Tell me you hate me. Tell me I'm a bitch. Tell me I'm sick. Kick me in the stomach 'til I cough blood. Punch me in the face until I'm unrecognisable. If you hate me so much, why don't you get a gun, aim for my head and pull the god damn trigger.
Adam's POV:
Opening the door to my house, I find it empty. Typical. Their probably out having the time of their lives, partying like theirs no tomorrow, getting wasted.
What about you're son, do you remember him? Dropping my head onto the cushion that inhabited the couch, I let the weight of life sink into me crushing me like a boulder.
I deserve this feeling.
I deserve to feel this way.
To blame anyone else for the way you are is selfish.
No, think of good things, happy thoughts, happy thoughts.
My mind lingers between food and sleep, then after a while rests itself on my main source of happiness. Jameson. God, he's so perfect. His eyes, a chocolate hazel with a stare so deep I could fall into it. Curling into a ball, I think of his every perfection.
But again, the voices in my head shrivel the joyous moment.
If he's so perfect why did he choose you?
The sudden change if mood and atmosphere made me hold my breath. This is a question that has been haunting my mind like a ghost, hovering over me like a forgotten dream, an unwanted memory.
Like a rope was tugging at me from the neck, I involuntarily drag myself to the kitchen.
That's it. That's it!
Picking up the knife from the kitchen drawer I admire its edge. It's so sharp, even with the softest of touches could draw blood. Rolling up my jeans, I press the blade to my upper leg and drag it slowly, loving the sensation it gave me. I repeat this a few times, adding on pressure each time, until I was finally done. Blood leaks from my skin like rivers of crimson and the metallic odour lingered in the air.
I hear a knock of the door.
Crap.
I forgot James was going to be coming over today. As quickly as I can, j get a wet rag wipe up the mess and throw it into the bin. Rolling down my jeans I open the door.
"Hey what's up?" I say, faking a smile.
He looks at me and is slightly taken aback. I always knew he was lying each time he called me pretty.
"Adam," he says hesitantly. "Have you been crying?"
I touch my face and find that it has been drenched in tears. Shit he can't see this. In attempts to wipe the tears off my face, James takes my hand in his own.
"Adam, you have blood on you're hand," he said staring into my eyes. I didn't flinch.
"I was peeling an orange, I cut myself a little, I was going to clean myself up but the door rang," I say a smooth lie.
Wow, I'm impressed.
James looks suspicious, and we carry on the day like nothing happens.
He leaves, and I retreat back to the dark corners of my mind.
The only place, I'm actually welcome.
Note from me lol:
I have a little repost thing
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And also okana-chan, if you have made it this far, I'm sorry. I don't cut I promise. I just think of it sometimes, I needed to vent. I know you won't see this, I know. But if you do, I'm sorry.
Yea, don't ask who okana-chan is 030 And please don't let anything here influence you to do anything like this in the future, it's just a story, I needed to vent
