Time Waits For No One

Chapter Four: Try Delusion For Awhile

Chapter Four: Try Delusion For Awhile

He sits on top his cot with his fingers clasping together tightly. His eyes looking forward and growing dry as he stares into the space before him. He knows that his reaction towards Lisbon's pregnancy and her feelings towards him were a bit over done just a tad no matter how much he finds them justified. The guard had shown him a small shred of mercy and just placed him back in his jail cell knowing full well that he had just become overly emotional with all the hurt and anger that has been driving him for the past few months.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Norman asks him from his top bunk, "Because you've been real quiet since you came back."

Jane can picture Norman right now. He is lying back, hands clasping behind his head with one leg propping up on the mattress and the other swung over his knee. He is probably looking up at the ceiling stains as he speaks to Jane.

"And you haven't said a word."

Jane shakes his head and leans against the cold wall behind him. Taking in a deep breath, he moves to slide back down on his cot and gazes up at the metal board separating he and Norman. Shutting his eyes and moving his hands up to rest against his belly, he prepares for what he is about to say.

"Teresa's pregnant," he hears Norman shifting from his downward position, "And she wants nothing to do with me." He adds the last statement quietly as he opens his eyes and begins to feel tears welling up in his eyes again. He is feeling all sorts of hurt emotions running through his veins. Some of those emotions make his heart feel as if it would stop, start, and then stop again. It felt painful and he hates it.

"Did you tell her?"

Jane shifts his head against his flat pillow, "Tell her what?" he quirks an eyebrow and feels the forming tears stop.

Norman sighs, "That you love her and did this to protect her. You did tell her that, didn't you?"

He remains silent and ponders his mind for the next thing to say. He had told her that it was for her own protection, but she did not believe him. He also knew that if he were to tell her that he loves her…it would just turn around and blow up in his face. Especially at this moment in time, regardless of how he felt, it just wasn't appropriate for him to admit his true feelings to her at the moment.

"I only told her that it was for her protection," he finally says.

Sad. Miserable. Blue. Melancholy.

----

~One Week Later~

She opens the front door to her apartment with four plastic shopping bags in hand, its contents weighing it down. Her back aches to no end and shows no intention of ceasing. Today marks the first day she has gone out shopping for her baby, and she will readily admit to going overboard in just one measly day. Three packages of neutral sleepers and onesies, socks, and a stuffed bear and giraffe were sufficient purchases for this week.

Lifting up the plastic bags only slightly in one hand, she sets them on top of the kitchen table. Stepping back, she rests a hand on her hip and takes in a deep breath. A couple of months ago she would have never felt this out of breath by just walking from her car to her apartment. She wants to forget about unloading the bags and go upstairs and take herself a well-deserved nap. Or a well-deserved nap in her opinion. Softly sighing, she moves her hand from her hip up to rest on the swell of her belly. Beneath her fingers she feels a soft bump following a series of little jabs.

The shopping bags forgotten, Lisbon moves to her crème coloured couch and sits on the end of it. In awe, she lies back and gently lifts up the front of her shirt. Smoothing her hand down the middle of the swell and past her belly button, she feels another quick jab and sees the flesh of her belly move like waves. Her heart nearly stops and tears begin to prick at her eyes as she feels these wonderful maternal sensations that only she can feel. Leaning further into the cushions, she sets her head back on the arm of the couch and lazily runs her fingertips up and down her belly almost to urge her unborn child to move again.

Beneath her hand, she feels her child react as strongly as before. The ripples dance around her flesh and she revels in the feelings of warmth spreading across her petite body. She smiles and snuggles further into the pillows to adjust the cushions below to her sore body in hopes of alleviating some of the pregnancy-induced aches and pains. The aches and pains and fatigue and overall stresses cause her muscles and limbs to feel heavy. Sighing to herself and shutting her eyes, she breathes deeply and feels herself drifting off into a somewhat peaceful slumber.

"I did this to protect you! If I hadn't killed him you'd be dead! If you would have died, you wouldn't be here right now. Our child wouldn't be growing inside of you!"

Our child…

…Maybe he was telling the truth.

She pulls herself from falling into a place of sleep and slowly moves to sit up. Jane wouldn't stoop to be that low even if he had just realized of her condition. She knew Jane, knows him and he would never use a child that is as much as his as hers in such a way to gain sympathy. What if Red John really had the intention of going after her and Jane stopped it from happening? What if by killing Red John Jane wound up sacrificing his life and accepting punishment just for her?

A wave of nausea passes over her body and she pushes herself forward towards the small metal bin wrapped in plastic. She barely grabs it and pulls it to her before the bile in her throat comes spewing from her mouth. Shuddering, she keeps the bin close by as her stomach contents further empty into the trash bin. She needs to go back to the prison and see Jane again with a more open mind. That is the first thing she will do tomorrow morning, go to the prison and request a meeting with him, and then just maybe she will be able to negotiate something that will either lessen his sentence, or take him out completely. She is open to either, but ultimately prefers the latter.