Institutionalized

Mac, Day 22

I paced. My fingers dug into my face. I ran my hands through my rat's nest of hair. I was losing it. I needed more adrenaline. I'd lose control if I didn't get it in me very soon. My fangs were out. I felt the need to bite something. Anything, at his point. Looked around the room for anything. I grabbed my pillow and chomped down on it. It was flavorless and too soft, but at least I could bite it.

What had Rafael done to me?

He'd created a monster. It was like Sam said, once you got a taste, there was no going back. I screamed into my pillow. I was ruined. I couldn't do this. I couldn't be a proper vampire. I would forever be a slave to my needs, hating every moment of it. I imagined how many people I'd kill. I'd get good at it. Id stalk them like we were animals, waiting for a chance to take their life without mercy. I opened and closed my mouth on the pillow and squeezed my eyes shut. One word repeated itself in my mind. It was all I could think no matter how hard I tried to change my thoughts:

Slaughter.

Slaughter.

Slaughter.

It sounded better than 'kill' or 'murder'. Slaughter felt darker, bloodier. I pictured blood splatter a white wall.

"Oh my god...oh my god!" I yelled before letting go of the pillow, immediately I needed something in my mouth again. Something more like flesh. I realized there was a body in this room. I could potentially bite it. I stared at my left forearm. Wrists had arteries too... I brought it to my lips. It smelled dead and unappetizing. I bit down anyway and immediately regretted it. Rotting fluid dripped onto my tongue and I had to pull away. I sputtered and coughed. The thick, blackish red goo trickled out of me, dribbling on the floor. It smelled horrid, and my wrist ached badly. I could feel slow movement inside me. It wasn't satisfying though. I felt worse with each passing second. An odd feeling built in my chest slowly. Something shifted. I remembered when I tried to hurt Rafael twice. I had felt the same way.

It was time to feed.

I opened the door silently and crept up to the common room. Howie would have seen me if I wasn't behind the wall. I waited for him to turn the other direction for about a minute. I ready to pounce when rafael yanked me back further behind the wall. I hissed and pulled as hard as I could to free myself, but he didn't even seem like he was struggling to hold me.

"What did you do?" He questioned and promptly found my bite which was in the process of healing.

"Stupid boy," he muttered and lugged me back to my room.

"I'm not stupid."I turned to try and bite him but he avoided me and then glared. He threw me into my room and stood over me. His shiny black shoe crushed my lungs.

"Stop trying to hurt me." He ordered, kneeling. I squeaked in pain.

"I do not have to be this nice to you."

Fear took a turn in me. It wasn't like being afraid as a human. There was no racing heart or adrenaline, just a signal to your brain telling you that you're scared. I looked away, submitting. But I was still craving my drug.

"I need blood. I'll do anything."

He sighed,

"I am sure you would, but you don't need it. You are only having a fit because something caused it. Were you talking with your friend about something again?"

I nodded,

"About... last night."

Another wave of famine hit me as I recalled the night before once again.