Rants, tags, and random crap

The things teachers just don't understand

School starts up again in a few days, and it has already ruined my life. Here's a few reasons why teachers make it so hard for me to cope.

When I'm shaking my knee or fidgeting with my hands, is not because I'm trying to distract others, it's because I'm trying to focus myself.

When I end up doing all the work in a group project, it's not because I want to get all the credit and leave others out, it's because I don't trust that anyone will actually complete the work or complete it well.

When I am not happy with the results of my test even if I get an 18/20, is not because I'm fishing for attention, is because I truly believe I am not good enough.

When I am always eager to see my test results or want to see them early, it's not because I want to boast about how well I went, it's because I'm always so nervous that I will get a bad score.

When I get a mark taken off on a project and am really disappointed, it's not because I thought my work was amazing, it's because I believe I didn't do good enough and that I should've tried so much harder.

When I look sad or angry and am keeping to myself, it's not because I want people to ask me if I'm okay, it's because I don't want to accidentally lash out at anyone.

When I prefer to work by myself rather than in a group, it's not because I want to take all the credit, is because i prefer to keep to myself and I don't like anyone else in the class.

When I prefer to be put into the boys group when we split into boys and girls, it's not because I want to be edgy and different, it's because I am sick of being classified as a female.

When I prefer to use a coloured texta or pen to correct my work, it's not because I want to attract attention or be different, it's because the pen goes down so much better and I prefer to have color on my page.

When I have trouble meeting people at social functions, it's not because I want to be edgy and keep to myself, it's because I'm scared of people and crowds.

When I get nervous on school camps when we are in large crowds, it's not because I'm trying to make things difficult, it's because I feel extremely unsafe and everything is too loud and there's too many people and I can't.

When I accidentally fall asleep in class, it's not because I want to be a disruption, is because I have stayed up most of the night panicking about school.

When I have to sit out of some PE lessons because I can't breathe, it's not because I want to be rebellious and not do the work, is because my asthma plays up and I physically will not be able to breathe.

When I run out of the classroom and sit in the toilets for a few minutes, is not because I want to be trouble and a disruption, it's because I am panicking or I'm angry and I don't want to accidentally lash out.

When I draw little symbols or words next to my name on worksheets, it's not because I'm scribbling on my page, it's because a blank page makes me anxious.

When I look really angry and have a very strong pissed off vibe about me, it's not because I want to be trouble, it's because you've probably pissed me off and I am unable to control my anger.

When I have to bring my sleeping pills on camps, it's not because I'm trying to draw attention or make it harder to organise, it's because I will not be able to sleep unless I have those and I will be awake till 4 am stressing.

When I am sensitive to loud noises and freak out in crowded spaces, it's not because I'm trying to make it hard or disrupt others, it's because I am autistic and am unable to function in loud or crowded places and get nervous and scared.

When I become obsessed with certain thing such as certain YouTubers or bands, it's not because I am trying to be different or fresh, it's because obsessing over things gives me something to focus on and keeps me happy and makes me more human.

And one thing I don't think any of you understand;

When I look really fücking depressed, is not because I'm trying to draw attention and make others feel bad, it's because I'm really fucking depressed.

This isn't even half the list, and I will probably add to this in the future, but for now this is a bit of an insight into my shitty existence.

~maskedknight39