Winter's End

Chapter 8: The Summer Struggle

"How long has it been since you and Sven arrived here?" Asked Ellá. 

Esther thought for a moment. "I think we've arrived here in the beginning of April, or the end of March. I don't remember exactly." 

"So you two have been living together for three months now... And Sven never made any romantic advances? How about you? Did you give him any hints?"

Esther sighed. "I try to... But I think he either ignores them, or doesn't pick them up. This all just feels so wrong. I mean, his previous wife died tragically and now I am here, with feelings for him. I feel so ashamed..."

 Ellá gave a reassuring smile. "It's normal to feel something for someone you spend so much time with, don't worry about that. There's nothing wrong with you. You just want something and it's not been given to you." 

She wasn't amused. "Nothing ever gets given to me, Ellá. I need to fight to survive. This however, feels different. I don't require love to survive, yet I want it in my life." 

Ellá seemed to think for a while, maybe she wasn't sure what to do either? 

"You know what I'd recommend, Esther? Don't wait for him to make the first move, do it yourself. You're a strong person who has been through a lot the past years. How bad can it be? He'll either say no or yes."

Esther sighed and looked down. "Perhaps you're right. I just need to tell him. I just hope things won't be too bad." 

"Hey, I believe in you Esther. If things don't work out, then you're always welcome in my house to talk about it." 

She did her best to smile. "Thank you, Ellá. You're a good friend." 

Esther then grabbed her stuff and went outside towards her house. The talk with Ellá made her feel better. Still, she felt sad and guilty for having feelings for Sven. What could she do about it, though? He was just such a calm, peaceful person who wouldn't hurt a fly. He was everything she looked for in a man.

She looked outside. It was 9PM, yet the sun was still out and nature was blooming. It was the time of the year she enjoyed most and part of the reason why she decided to stay in Jokkmokk. It was just beautiful during summer. Especially now since she had Sven at her side. 

After a short walk, she arrived home. Sven was already sitting in the sofa. "Hey Esther, how was work?" He asked casually. 

She shrugged. "It's been alright. Sewing is much more fun than scavenging, I must say. I am glad I can do this here. How was yours?" 

He smiled. "It's been a good day in the forest. For the moment we are busy chopping trees to repair one of the old buildings here in Jokkmokk." 

Esther took a deep breath and sat down besides him. "Listen, Sven. I need to tell you something." 

He seemed confused and a little uneasy. "What do you want to tell me Esther?" 

Esther sighed, she felt stressed about the whole affair. Yet she tried to appear calm. "You know Sven,  I think you're just a great guy. We've been through so much together and... It's not always been easy. But in the end you were always there for me and I was there for you. Sven, I just want to say that I feel something for you. You have always been on my side and I appreciate you so much. So I want to ask you... Would you want to date me? It would mean the world to me."

Sven remained silent, he seemed unsure what to say. "I was already afraid this was coming... I noticed your hints. Honestly, I am not ready for this and I don't know if I want it. I do have feelings for you as well, but they are just feelings of friendship, I think. Besides that, I still miss my previous wife, Esther. You have to understand that." 

Esther nodded slightly. "Oh..." She simply replied. Tears slowly started to appear on her face. 

Sven gave an uncomfortable smile and put a hand of her shoulder. "Hey, I didn't mean to..."

 Esther pushed him away. "You seem like such a great guy Sven... I thought we could be something." She said as she began to cry harder.

Sven sighed, unsure how to deal with the whole situation. "Listen, Esther. I am not even that great of a guy. You remember how I went  to search food in order to save you?" 

Esther slowly nodded while she kept crying. 

"I didn't just find the food... I beat a greedy old man for it. I just had to do it to save you, but it makes me a bad person." 

Esther couldn't believe it. How could a great guy like him hurt someone and why would he hurt someone for her? 

She shook her head. "Sven... You shouldn't have done that. Because in a few years I'll be dead anyway." She said through her tears. 

He looked confused. "How so? As long as you go to Bodø for insulin you'll be fine, right?" 

She sighed. "No Sven... The supply of insulin they have over there is running out as well... Soon there will be none left. Then I will die a horrible, horrible death... It's guaranteed Sven. I just hoped that I could spend the last years of my life with on my side... But that won't happen."

Sven shook his head. "We can still live here together, right? Don't worry."

Esther couldn't contain her emotions anymore and started to cry even harder. "It's not the same!" She yelled as she ran outside. 

For a while, Esther wandered aimlessly, but eventually found the way to Ellá's home. 

As Ellá opened the door, she saw how miserable Esther looked. She immediately realized things hadn't gone to plan for her. 

"I am so sorry for you." Said Ellá. "Let's go inside and I'll get you something to drink and we can talk about it." 

Esther sat down at the table in Ellá's living room, but didn't say anything. She just sat there and looked down. 

Eventually, she talked about everything that happened. She also told Ellá that she didn't feel satisfied with her life. Because soon, she would have to leave for Bodø again. 

Saying farewell to her friends and family was already hard enough, but now she would have to leave with a broken heart as well.